My Life Dream, by panikikubik

I’m living above another persons dream

Posted at 10:16 by panikikubik, on March 9, 2014

I’m living above another person’s dream. I’m sitting here like a cloud or a goddess and the dreamer doesn’t know it……because he is occupied, practicing a difficult accord on his guitar.

I still don’t know if it’s an honor or a hell. Because it’s hard to think and write and plan anything meanwhile the dreamer is playing on his guitar. But I won’t say anything to him. I don’t want to be a person who kills another person’s dream. He could be the next Jimi Hendrix. And you don’t take away dreams from people. Dreams are all the crutches we humans have on our back-packing here on earth.

I have to find a way to cope with the dreamer until he gets rich and moves out from his grandma’s apartment, into a big house with gorgeous ladies and an own music studio.

Maybe I can take my own guitar and knock on his door and join him. I can hear that we are at the same level in the guitar technic, which worries me, because I’m so far west, east, north and south as you can be from Jimi Hendrix talent, and so is the dreamer. Does that mean that the dreamer will never get rich and move out to that house with a pool and gorgeous women? No, he is young, he got long rock’n roll hair and he seems to be determined in his choice of profession, so he will find a way to get there.

jimi

What did I just write and think?

No he is young, he got long rock’n roll hair and he seems to be determined in his choice of profession, so he will find a way to get there.

But, what about me?

I’m not young but still not that old, I have long hair and…will I get there? Do I have a dream? Yes, I’m dreaming about a good life, a good health a good day at work. But wait – that’s not dreaming. That is wishing.

Is it so that after a certain age, dreams transforms into wishes that after another certain age transforms into whispers?

I realized this night and morning that somewhere along the road of daily life, panic, stress, low self-esteem and the stigma of getting older – I stopped dreaming and I started wishing.

I wish that I will get old enough to celebrate my both of my son’s 50 this birthday: I wish that I can manage to keep on going to my stressful job so I can pay the rent. I wish that my teeth stays in its good condition I wish to keep my good health I wish I don’t die too early

These are my wishes….and I will keep them. But where are my dreams?

Was it the panic disorder that took them away? Well, some yes, because it’s very difficult to fulfill dreams at the same time as you have a panic disorder, I won’t go into those details know.

Is it my age that took them away? I’m 49, still fit and looking nice but I’m always 10 years ahead in my head. When you watch television, internet – the new stars are young people, younger for each year. And if you are 27 in a song competition, you’re considered old.

As I wrote in my post “Are you where you want to be in life right now?” – the first step to any change is acknowledgement.

Somewhere along the way I stopped dreaming. I settled for wishing. Don’t get me wrong. Wishing is important. But it’s not a substitute for dreaming.

After almost finishing this post I went into my kitchen to get my coffee cup and meanwhile I stood by the window, looking out – I suddenly  – right in front of me – saw something I been waiting for.

cactus

Look in the middle. A new green shoot at my cactus. It wasn’t there last weekend.

I have written about my cactus in an early post of mine “After all these years of joy and struggling I’m afraid to lose the past“. My cactus is a symbol for me, a symbol for hope, life and strength It was an old (about 25 years) brown root when I saved it from the dustbin. Then after one year – the first new green shoot came from the brown root. Every year there has grown out a new shoot. I’ve been looking after the new shoot for this year.

This morning I found it. My first thought was: There you are, I’ve been waiting for you. And I felt hope. I have to do the same. Keep on growing new shoots.

In the video above, Bruce Springsteen sings, “Dream Baby Dream”.

I will start to do that again.

I hope you will too.

http://panicyesterday.wordpress.com/2014/03/09/im-living-above-another-persons-dream/Dela det här:

We Are Not Lazy! Stories of ‘New Hope’ Beyond Unemployment

Employment

This week’s Better Endings principle that we will discuss on Saturday is “Fortitude,” in relation to our weekly topic of Unemployment. The fiery forge of experience that joblessness or underemployment plunges people into can lead to either despair or ‘New Hope’, and often both at the same time. The following voices and brief stories celebrate the adaptive strategies of four people who have told their stories to help others.

Kelly, Age 58, over 5 years un- and underemployed

      “You have to stay positive because it’s going to work out, it really is.”

Kelly is homeless.  She is 58 and has been alternately un- and underemployed for over five years.  Kelly has a part-time job working a few hours a week at a Taco Bell.  However, since in order to afford an apartment Kelly would need a full-time job, she lives at a Salvation Army shelter.

What has helped Kelly to establish ‘new hope’ is her living situation and supportive family ties.  The Salvation Army shelter has a program such that Kelly gives 70% of her weekly Taco Bell paycheck to the shelter staff, who deposit that into a savings account for her. This way, since her room and board are provided for free at the shelter, Kelly has thousands of dollars saved. In return, Kelly volunteers several hours every week at the shelter and she also volunteers at a local history museum. She uses some financial aid to attend classes at a community college.  Kelly says that the Salvation Army shelter empowers her to maintain hope because she can sleep in a clean, healthy place.  She visits her daughter who is in the military, and she provides free childcare for her grandchildren.  Kelly told us that her self-esteem is very high and, despite being ‘homeless’, Kelly is very hopeful and upbeat.  She says, “I don’t know how to explain it, but I know it’s going to be okay.

 Susan, Age 48, over 4 years un- and underemployed

“I was doing a lot for Habitat for Humanity. I really enjoyed doing that. And I started volunteering for my church group. We sell things at Broncos games to raise money…I’ve put a lot of hours into that.”

Susan, 48 and unemployed in the traditional sense for now over 4 years, engaged for her first two years of unemployment working independently with an entrepreneurial, multilevel-marketing program. She relied on collaborative friendship networks and attended conferences to learn about how to sell products and develop subordinate agents. She saw this program as a way that not just herself but a wide network of people could all achieve financial freedom from traditional work and its capricious nature today. Susan was receiving unemployment benefits plus she relied on prior savings to make ends meet for as long as she could. She said she used to dread going to a traditional industry job every day.  Since the time of her Tell Your Story interviews, Susan has drifted away from the multi-marketing scheme; she is now managing rental homes for one of the friends from her spiritual group. She has moved to live with a boyfriend who is also her management business partner. Although their income is still quite low and most of her savings have now been expended, Susan continues to be very active with her volunteer work and she says she is happy to never have to return to an “industry” based, “9 to 5 job”.

Goddrick and Sybil, Ages 52 and 56 over, 6 years un- and underemployed

“And so he’s not sleeping and I’m not sleeping because he’s not sleeping and we’re both angry and frustrated and so everything else bothers you; the kids leaving their socks on the floor and not picking up you know and every little thing is heightened because of that stress and  it’s the money.  It’s just horrible. And it’s like he would do any job. Even if he got like me; an eight dollar an hour job, that would be twenty four hundred dollars a month and it’s like – I was telling him, and I may do this, but the Broadmoor is hiring housekeeping tomorrow and  it’s ten dollars an hour and I’m  like, you know, for as hard as I’m working at 7-11 loading the cooler and standing on my feet doing all this other hard work cleaning, changing the trash outside, maybe I should go because for ten dollars an hour, that’s four hundred dollars more a month  which would really make a difference in our life right now. So if I’m going to be not respected and belittled and the fact that I went to school and got all these degrees and did all these things I thought to prepare myself to have a better life and it’s just gonna be crap anyway, maybe I should just do another job that’s at least gonna pay more because I’m not happy in what I’m doing and so maybe cleaning up somebody else’s pubic hair for two dollars more an hour is what I need to do. And it’s hard, it’s a self-esteem and pride issue and it’s hard.” 

That about says it all, doesn’t it? Sybil and Goddrick have three boys who are active in Boy Scouts, wrestling, and their spiritual group. Goddrick coaches wrestling for one of the boy’s schools and has been a Scouts leader for many years. Since returning to play saxophone for a local band, Goddrick’s focus has returned after many back and forth stints with jobs. He has finally become a regular high school substitute teacher (despite a head injury that has made any work difficult). Most recently, he has discovered a new calling as Santa for a good-sized mall in California.  Meanwhile, Sybil has been able to maintain a series of part-time jobs (now full-time and permanent) that has allowed the family to achieve stability although their accumulated debt remains a constant cloud dodging their forward moving steps. She too relies on her talent as a singer and actress to elevate herself and her family. Both Goddrick and Sybil have strong identities apart from traditional jobs. The whole family works every summer now at a local Renaissance Festival; where Sybil is a primary singing character, Goddrick runs the sound system for the joust, and their boys act as squires for the jousting with one who wears a costume as a 10 foot tall, smiling King!

These stories, to me, make one thing very clear about the un- and underemployed. As they might proclaim collectively, “We Are Not Lazy!

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Please feel free to share your insights and responses to these stories in the Comments box below. To share YOUR story, please submit it any time!