What is “BetterEndingsNow!” to Me?, by Dr. Joshua Bertetta

{Dear Readers: Here is a treat (for me especially!). Joshua Bertetta of the intriguing blog The Story of the Four  has taken time to reflect on BetterEndings Now which he has been graciously following. Joshua is a scholar of comparative religion, mythology and archetypal psychology, and I am always grateful to have him “Watching,” as I am also grateful for every one of you who reads this blog whether or not you comment. You are always welcome to share your own insights and stories. So here is a guest perspective, from Joshua Bertetta. I will add some graphics because that is always fun to try to be synchronistic with GraphicStock images…}-Linda

Dr. Linda Watts’s BetterEndingsNow! and its companion, Life Paths for Better Endings, rooted in C.G. Jung’s theory of the archetypes and James Hillman’s archetypal psychology, is a program, which, as much as it offers guidance toward discovering and manifesting one’s dream, is, to me, as much about the process as it is the final goal.

As someone who holds a Ph.D. in Mythological Studies with a degree emphasis in depth psychology, I am well familiar with Jung and Hillman, as I reflect upon Dr. Watts’s work, the element I have come to most appreciate is its simplicity.

Now don’t get me wrong, this is not a simple program—it takes work, but the work, aside from enlightening, can also be fun (as well as scary, as any process of self-discovery can be). What I mean by simple is two-fold. One the one hand, BetterEndingsNow! is free from psychological jargon. Yes, a participant is introduced to archetypes, but anyone familiar with Jung and Hillman know each defines and uses terms like “soul” and “psyche” in specialized ways. You don’t need to know all that to participate in the Life Paths process. In other words, you don’t have to be a specialist in analytical or archetypal psychology.

All you have to do is follow the steps, beginning with “Your Origin Story,” along as they proceed—simple.

Looking at Dr. Watts’s program, I particularly appreciate her understanding of life as story—as myth. There is too much baggage associated with the word “myth” these days and in many respects this baggage makes me sad. “Myth,” from the Greek mythos, simple means story or, perhaps more accurately, plot.

Stories have arcs; they have peaks and vales; they have climaxes, themes and conflicts as well as a whole cast of characters.

Is that not life?

Too much today, I think, is life perceived by many as a simple sequence of events. Freud (to whom Jung and Hillman are in debt) revolutionized psychology because he understood life is a story. Hence his “talking cure” was a means by which his patients could understand their lives as stories and thus initiate a process of self-understanding and healing.

Of course Jung and Hillman would continue their own projects much in the same trajectory and I think what Dr. Watts has done is to distill this process by offering insights into such a journey in addition to introducing us to a means by which to understand central themes of our lives and the characters we meet along the way. By this I mean those archetypal presences that are at work in us and through us our entire lives. Dr. Watts not only introduces us to such archetypes, but offers a means by which to enter into a relationship with such.

Jung and Hillman located the source of modern humankind’s suffering in the loss of meaning and the loss of imagination, respectively. Dr. Watts’s work follows in the same trajectory in that though using our imaginal capacity to connect with archetypal figures and to see our lives as stories, as myths. This is a key component in Jung’s and Hillman’s psychological projects. I might even say the key component, for when one is connected to the depths of experience, which are archetypal in nature, meaning in life is restored.

In the end, as I look at Dr. Watts’s list of primary archetypes (see “Meet & Greet Your Archetype Cast of Characters”) I would not hesitate to say that the Teacher archetype is present in her work. Offering guidance as she does as well as teaching us along the way, so much is clear. She is a university professor after all. But there is more.

What makes BetterEndingsNow! special is the presence of the Nurturer. The program Dr. Watt’s sets before one does take work, yes, and again, such work can be hard. But there is a gentleness to her approach, embedded in her language. Like a mother, I see BetterEndingsNow! as open hands, hands available for the taking, and like a good mother, there is a quiet care present. Like a mother watching her baby learn to walk, that after those first few wobbly steps, she stands back and watches her baby go; yet despite the separation, the mother is always there, there to offer her child care, love, and guidance.

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Thank you, Dr. Bertetta. You have read this blog well to understand its intent deeply. I find that many authors and bloggers such as yourself and several others whom I have discovered through putting this material “out there” (which somehow always feels like “In There”, somewhere we all share consciousness together) are converging to bring similar messages through. I love Joseph Campbell and Jung and Hillman, among others (e.g. also Gail Sheehy, Jean Houston, Carol Pearson, Mary Catherine Bateson, Fredric Hudson, Julia Cameron, and  Carolyn Myss),who all are helping us realize our lives AS Mythic and therefore we can explore our own narratives and develop these in the direction of fulfilling our Golden Quests. Thank you for your reflections! – L

 

 

NATURE’S JOY FOR MOMS, by Brenda Davis Harsham (re-blogged for Mother’s Day from Friendly Fairy Tales)

from Friendly Fairy Tales:

Plugged into pretty pink,
Powered on, pumped and plumped,
Pleased to hear parties planned.

Just jazzed by joy,
Jumping for color,
Jogging my memory.

Many other happy springs:
Mingled colors and aromas,
Mother’s Day memories.

Copyright 2014 Brenda Davis Harsham

Note: This post is dedicated to all moms, full-time, part-time, for-all-time moms. Moms near, moms far, moms always in the heart, whatever the name: Mom, Mum, Mam, Mama, Mommy, Step-Mom, Ma, Mamasita, Mother. Please let me know other names for Moms, and I will add them here. Much love to all Moms!!

Happy Mother’s Day to these special moms:

Sue Ann, Fairport, New York (Get Well Soon and come home from the hospital, too!!)
Jessie, Palm Springs, California
Jo Anne, Los Angeles, California
Mary, Bedford, Massachusetts
Cathryn, Burlington, Massachusetts
Julie, Billerica, Massachusetts
Jennie, Billerica, Massachusetts
Mickey, Syracuse, New York
Susan, Fairport, New York
Ellen, Newton, Massachusetts
Donna, Machias, Maine
Elizabeth, or Betty, Matias, New York (and Happy Early Birthday, too!!)

Tiger and Mouse, by Gail (an Archetypal Dialogue Guest Story)

Hi,
Your blog is interesting. We had an event happen or I guess a couple of things which makes me wonder what mirror I’m putting out. My two characters in this dialogue will be Tiger for me as Soul, a child of God who loves herself. Mouse will be the other side who feels she has to hold on to straws and settle for whatever enters her life.

First the back story:

My husband and I are both blind. Therefore, we do depend on friends to help us. We have someone who we have known for many years who often has helped us do atm transactions, read mail with personal information, has picked up stuff for us and used our debit card to do so. We pay for the gas we use, and often allow him to buy meals.

Last month sometime we got one of those mailers which offers a loan for an lump some of money. Then you have to pay it back within a specified time period.

This loan came in my husband’s name. It is very remotely possible that it could have been taken out of the mailbox by a stranger. Whoever did this knew my husband’s Social Security, and all the other pertinent information needed for the form. On the 22nd of last month a check from this loan company was cashed. Our account number was on the back. In my thinking this was planned. Since the loan check was sent out in March and it wasn’t cashed until April. He put his phone number instead of ours and it was cashed at a branch which we never go to.

We went into the loan company and they said as long as we file a police report we won’t be held liable for the payments. They said they’ve been trying to call his number to welcome him to the program after he cashed the check but he doesn’t acknowledge their calls. If he had put our phone number then nothing could be traced back to him.

This really smarts since in many ways he’s a likeable guy and my husband and he have worked on a number of projects together.

Tiger: “I love myself and deserve to be valued. I know I need help with stuff because of my disability yet I am worthwhile enough to have people around me who want to be friends and understand there are times when I’ll or we’ll need extra assistance. My willingness to share meals and a listening ear is worth the trade.”

Mouse: “You know he has made many poor choices in most of his life so you shouldn’t be surprised. Besides, you really need him to run errands for you. Besides, everybody since they are Soul needs unconditional love.”

Tiger:
“I’m not a door matt. I don’t have to settle forsome who uses my husband’s identity to get money he doesn’t have any intention of paying back. It was a blessing from God that I found the statement saying how much the payments were for. We were able to start the process before it went against his credit.”

Mouse:
“You should just pay for the loan because you need his help. You can’t afford to make people angry at you.”

Tiger: “It’s not about whether we make him mad or not. It’s about what the truth is.
The truth is if he didn’t do this then all of us need to know who did to protect all of our identities.
Is it necessary? Yes, I value myself and my husband and we shouldn’t pay for somebody else’s stupidity. I trust the Holy Spirit to help us solve this situation with as little baggage as possible.

Mouse: “No one will help you if you turn him into the police for fraud. They would all be afraid you’d make up something and do the same to them.”

Tiger: “You are a child of God and worth joy and happiness.I trust my spiritual guide; the Mahanta, the Living ECK Master is always with me. He looks out for me as long as I remain a loving soul.”

******

Dear Gail: I notice that in your Archetype Dialogue, Tiger speaks first as well as last, suggesting this is the stronger viewpoint.

Tiger can be an ELDER LEADER or a WARRIOR archetype.

Mouse, in all its “mousey” aspect, can be a Shadow IDEALIST or a Shadow NURTURER archetype. By Shadow I mean this is the “negative” or “weaker” mode of these two archetypes. Of course, a mouse could also be a Mighty Mouse! But yours seems more timid than that.

How can you integrate these two? It is possible to be strong and assertive yet also kind. (I saw a bumper sticker on a car today that said: “Be Kinder than you need to be!” Perhaps this was a waking dream.) The fact that these archetypal aspects express themselves in opposition here suggests to me that if you combine their energies, you can go forward as the loving Soul you are while not allowing others to take advantage of you.

Enabling a Thief (also a  Shadowy archetype, a DESCENDER) not only allows them to get away with perpetrating on innocent people but lets them think they can get away with this again, affecting others and possibly you again, if you continue to utilize his ‘help’. For them to learn their lesson in this lifetime–to confront the karmic results they have reaped–may require for you, or someone eventually, to confront them with this fraudulent aspect of their own nature. How else can they learn, and how else can you be true to yourself? Your inner dialogue may represent two aspects of your inner guidance, as well! Two images of Soul, or a Master and chela interaction?- Linda

***

Would others like to reply to Gail, too?

Feel free to add your Comments or your own stories.

Best of Better Endings Guest Re-blog: CHOICES FOR THE SOUL HAĪBUN, by Brenda Davis Harsham

Welcome to Day Four already of A Month of the Best of Better Endings! I am compiling here some of the posts and stories that have  led to framing an overall Principle of Better Endings. We begin to see how all of Life intends to be unfolding to the Light, from the Heart!

January 26, 2014

The church is near but the road is all ice;

the tavern is far but I’ll walk very carefully.

Russian Proverb

Years ago, I was working for a minimal salary. My net pay barely covered the expenses of professional clothing, commuting, food and rent. I worked very hard the first year, trying to be the perfect employee, working quickly, seeking extra work, hoping I would earn a big raise. I slid sideways into debt when my car was totaled in an accident and my cat needed expensive medicine.

When I got my review, it was lukewarm, with no acknowledgement of my efforts and a minimal raise, not even keeping pace with inflation. I had a meeting with my boss, and I asked him if he was unhappy with my work. He said no.

“Did I forget any tasks you gave me or do them wrong? Was I too slow?”

Again, “No and no.”

“Then why are you giving me such a small raise?”

“Do you think you deserve the same raise as Monica who has been here nearly twenty years?”

“Are you saying I won’t get a good raise unless I work here twenty years?”

“You have to understand that we all have wives and children to support, and they come first. Why would I give you money that I could give to my wife and kids?”

I didn’t have any answer for that, and I got depressed. I had always believed that hard work was rewarded.     I worked quickly, efficiently, but when I finished my work, I no longer sought extra. I started doing my own writing in the office, which angered him and eventually he fired me. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I realize now that I chose to stay despite my unhappiness. Instead of leaving, I acted less than professionally and ended up deeply unhappy with him, but more importantly, with myself.

When I was fired, at first my self-esteem sank even lower, but financial desperation pushed me into following up every lead for new job. I found a great job where I relearned to value myself. I felt freer than I had in years. I changed careers and cities, which were great decisions. Being fired was a pivot point for me, and I learned something invaluable.

If I make bad choices, I only hurt myself, and I must make better choices. It sounds so simple, and maybe it is to some people. For me, it’s a daily effort. Some days I fail. Other days, it feels like climbing Mount Everest. But I am worth that effort.

dark clouds blow in fast
ice wolves wail and circle
curl up warm inside

These days, I don’t have every answer, and I’m not perfect. That is no longer even my goal. Each day I try to make good decisions. I try to respect myself, to find ways of seeking joy, and, as a result, I occasionally even find it.

green shoots reach skyward
gray ice mountains collapse
heart and soul quicken

Copyright 2014 Brenda Davis Harsham

Note: Inspired by the weekly Līgo Haībun challenge and the Russian Proverb above.

Brenda Davis Harsham is an author, photographer and artist, currently publishing fairy tales, photography and poems celebrating magic and nature for kids of all ages. She teaches writing and is a member of the Society of Children’s Books Writers and Illustrators.

 Website: Friendlyfairytales.com, http://friendlyfairytales.com/

THE POWER OF YOUR DREAM, by Richard A. Cross (http://richardacross.com/)

I am re-blogging today from life coach Richard A. Cross’s site, Energize Your Thoughts.  His post has a wonderful Better Endings theme:

 The Power of Your Dream

Do you have a dream?

What is stopping you from accomplishing your dreams?

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible”. ~T. E. Lawrence

I want to say why most people don’t experience the life of their dreams is simply because they quit way too easily, never want to go the extra mile. At times we need the push that life presents to us. It is that push that makes us grow and become better.

However, most people don’t like to be tested.

My dream was to one day have a better life than what I was experiencing as a child. I would sit outside as I looked out in space and envisioned more for my life. As a child my dream was very simple, due to my exposure to the minimal things that life had to offer. My dream was to run as fast as I could so I would be able to win my races when it comes to track and field season. I won most of my races, but as I got older and my vision got magnified with new found ideas and challenges crept in.

At age 12 years I saw a runner by the name of Kevin Webb run past my school, and as he ran, the cheerers on the street shouted “he is the winner and he wins every year”. I said to myself that day that I want to do that, and I will do that. I said it without even knowing what the challenge would be like.

I guess when you are young your first thought is that it’s possible. The older we become the less we believe in our potential. Don’t let go of your dream. Age is just a number.

I was eager to meet this athlete because I wanted to find out how he was able to do what he was doing and so effortlessly. The first time we spoke he gave me the formula he had been using to win and he said I could use it if I wanted to win any of the road races. He said I would have to train very hard. I thought to myself, what a formula. He won the first year that I competed, but that was his last year in high school. I would train some evenings, but that was not enough to win. As a result I lost the second and third year of competing.

I could have quit and let go of working towards my goal due to me not winning. The losses were the years that helped to develop my determination. The man who achieves is dream is the man who is consistent with his action and believes he can. I became consistent and it paid off.

I won my fourth, fifth and sixth year in the road race competition at high school and my dream of doing what my friend did was now history for me. What next was a question that kept playing in my head? I wanted more and I will not stop until I receive it as I completed high school.

What I wanted most of all was to go to college but I failed miserable in my exams. Doubt set in and for a while I lost focus and the vision of going to college. I said to myself what teachers said to me-that I was not capable.

What are you saying to yourself? Make it be positive things and don’t let anybody dictate or limit your abilities.

What happen when you share you dream with someone who wants to see you achieve more out of life?

I had shared my dream of college with a sports coordinator at my last competition of track and field and what he said to me that day was I can do it, but I must believe. The sport coordinator saw me months later and asked what I was doing on the street and not college.

He asked me about my dream and I stumbled over my words. I wanted to go I said and he gave me his words that he will direct me to a program that will help me when the next year comes around. Never give up he reminded me and from ever since that phrase have been with me. I will never give up plays in my mind whenever I am faced with challenges. I meet a lot of it. I was in college the next year.

I was met with challenges, but I was already equipped with a strong mind that I should not give up.

What are you giving up on?

During college I saw student after student leaving the country on scholarships to the states and every athlete’s dream of getting one including me. I didn’t get one even though I requested one and was recommended several times. Did I give up? NO!

I watched friends leaving to the states and thoughts crept in of not getting a scholarship. For one year I didn’t work so I trained, and sometimes I wondered what I was training for. I wanted a job and out of nowhere an older man of the community saw me and asked when I became a police officer. At the time I wasn’t an officer, but that was enough to peak my interest. I’m a risk taker as my friends pointed out when I told them what my next move was. A month later I joined the national security organization even before telling both my parents knowing that they would not like the idea. I won the cross country run during training school and that was enough to let me know I was on the right path.

I received the scholarship in 2006.

If you failed at first that is not a prerequisite for you to quit. I found out that every time I bounce back I am stronger.

• Michael Jordon Had a Dream-He didn’t give up
• Thomas Edison Had a Dream-He never quit
• Abraham Lincoln Had a Dream-He pressed forward despite adversity
• Oprah Winfrey Had a Dream-She believed that it was possible
• Sidney Poitier Had a Dream-He knew that a treasure of possibility was in him
• J.K. Rowling Had a Dream- She knew what a dream could do
• Elvis Presley Had a Dream-He proved them wrong by believing in himself

I want you to know that your Dream can come to be. Do you believe in your dream? I hope you do. I want to see you be a success.

Never give up on your dream… because you never know what the Lord can bless you with. ~Kelly Rowland

You just can’t beat the person who won’t give up. ~Babe Ruth

Sometimes adversity is what you need to face in order to become successful. ~Zig Ziglar

Your Dream Is Possible: Think on these things

1. You need perseverance.
2. Be prepared to overcome obstacles. Your dream may be outside of your comfort zone.
3. Sticking to your dream is always good.
4. Believing in yourself is important.
5. All great things come with challenges-greatness is within you.
6. Your dreams need your effort.
7. Develop the power to overcome.
8. You have to push hard for your success.
9. Remember to stay the course.
10. People will try to stop you. If it’s your dream, go for it.
11. Always prepare to grow.
12. I know you can do it.

My life is better than when I was a child. I now have Greater Dreams, and I know that possibilities are endless on this journey.

Dream Big Dreams!

We all are given an opportunity and that opportunity is life. With life you can become anything you want, so dream big dreams. I hope you keep your vision of success close, and as I plea don’t lose sight of what you would like to accomplish because it’s possible.

From Richard A. Cross’s “About”/ biography:

Richard A. Cross was born in Alexandria St. Ann, Jamaica in 1982 to parents Phillip Cross and Pauline Joyce Pennant.  The burgeoning motivational speaker has a devotion that has come from years of persistence, dedication and faith.  He always knew he was destined for greatness, but that greatness has taken different forms over the years leading him to his current position on his journey to prominence.

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Thanks to Richard Cross for his inspirational words! I welcome all comments and insights, and stories about your own Big Dreams! I agree with Richard that when you nurture your dreams and believe in yourself, not letting anyone be a naysayer, anything is possible! – LW

 

A Backpacker’s Guide to Exorcism, Guest-blogged from ViolaConspiracy

ViolaConspiracy

Previous Entry

A Backpacker’s Guide to Exorcism

• Apr. 7th, 2014 at 2:00 PM

The reflection in the window tells me that the pack strapped to my back is small–  far too small, in fact, for someone who is on her way to a different country for two weeks. It’s hard to believe my eyes, because I feel like I’m carrying a mountain.

Most people could carry three of my pack without trouble, but I’m adding it to an already-massive load. With all the ghosts riding on my shoulders, there’s hardly room for a backpack. There are the ghosts of Worry About the Future and Self-Doubt, the ghost of Personal Failure, the ghost of Life’s Unfairness,  the ghost of Fatigue, and more. They take turns riding piggyback, wrapping their gaunt arms around my neck and digging their fingers into my collarbones. They like to whisper nasty things into my ears. Some of them wear spurs. There’s an ache between my shoulder blades that never goes away, and my reflection in the glass shows a slouch that’s too pronounced to be explained by the small bundle of things I’m carrying.

In a moment of hot panic, Worry and Self-Doubt begin to quarrel. “I won’t have enough things!” collides with “I can’t carry this for two weeks!” But it’s too late to do anything. The bus leaves in three minutes, and Worry is flogging me and shouting that if I don’t make this bus, the next one won’t get me to the airport on time.

By the time I check into the first guesthouse late that night, I feel as though I’ve been beaten. Fatigue hangs on my neck like a ballast stone, muttering quiet obscenities at me. My feet and joints ache from the extra weight. The skin on my shoulders is chafed where the straps of my backpack rubbed all day, and the muscles underneath feel bruised. The constant ember of pain in my back has flared into a bonfire. It’s hard to even sleep.

In the morning, Fatigue and Self-Doubt clutch at the straps and try to stop me from putting my pack on again, but finally I wrestle them down and the weight settles unkindly onto yesterday’s bruises. I haven’t even left my room yet and I want to cry. The pace of the entire day is dictated by my need for periodic rests, and the sightseeing agenda is chosen according to which locations will have a locker or a place to leave bags. I feel heavy and slow and old and Personal Failure keeps whispering that I’m getting in everyone else’s way. This night, even the inferno in my back can’t interfere with my bone-weariness, and I sleep the sleep of the dead.

On the third day, the weight of my backpack is familiar. Deep sleep has erased some of the bruising and tamed the blaze in my back to the size of a small campfire. My body has started to adjust its balance for the weight of the pack. I can move without knocking into things, at least. The ghosts are tired from sharing their space with my bag, and their grip is lazy. The day is filled with historic temples and street food, and the cherry blossoms floating down everywhere are so mesmerizing that I forget to listen to Worry’s whisperings. At night I dream of fantastic foreign landscapes sweeping past my train window.

“I am a turtle,” I think on the fourth morning. “This backpack is my home. All the things I really need are inside it, and I can carry it wherever I want to go.” On this day I can stand up straight, because I have discovered how to be a little more self-sufficient and that makes me proud of myself.  Self-Doubt loses his clammy grip as I bump down the stairs, and I leave him sitting alone on the bottom step.

By day five, I can’t hear any whispers, and I strap on my backpack without any cadaverous arms or bony fingers getting in the way. When I’m carrying home on my back, there’s no room for ghosts.

http://violaconspiracy.livejournal.com/3480.html

A Potpourri of Family Perspectives

Today I am posting a potpourri of Family images from several blogs, as I have noticed some converging themes around family over the past couple of weeks reading blog posts.

First, here is an email exchange from today between me and my sister Lee, based on her reading of yesterday’s post on How I Have Learned of Better Endings from my Mom.

Hi Linda,  

Interesting to read this.

You and I have two very different experiences of Mom.  Fascinating to read this.

Love, Lee

 

Hi Lee,

It is interesting what different experiences and interpretations we may have interacting with the same person…this brings up the Archetypal component of relationships. But writing about it helps to frame our understanding too. I’d be interested in comparing notes with you!

Love,

Linda

That’s an invitation to you, Lee. Hopefully I can post your story this Sunday! In fact, I invite ALL of my family to share with me what YOU have learned from Mom, and I will post all of your insights on Sunday!

Mom (in red) with her sister, my Aunt Kay, 2012

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Next, as we are concerned this week with Better Endings scenarios with all families, and since I have been posting photos in honor of my Mom this week, I enjoyed reading sachemspeaks‘ post yesterday called Family Photos. Here’s an excerpt:

99 miles from our driveway to parking lot to the doctors, wouldn’t have it any other way, Breanna loves the UF Hospital and everyone in the small animal care unit.

 

 Family Photo: Breanne

(sachemspeaks@wordpress.com)

When Breanne gets in the doctors waiting room she jumps up on one because she knows that someone will be coming in that door to fuss over her; through the other door she watches the main waiting room for passing pets. This time she went straight into her doctors waiting room because many male dogs were in the main room and she is in heat! No we will not mate her or spade her, spading an Airedale is bad news, mating means about 8 Airedales running around our PT Cruiser. 😦
Both her mom and dad are champions so everyone wants a pup, getting the mother pet to let one go will be a problem?

Breanna’s daddy is Banter
Breanna’s mommy is Sonny
Both are national Champions

 

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Third, I found this excellent set of insights from a blog I enjoy following called five kids with disabilities:

How NOT to Raise a Child with a Disability

April 2, 2014

 

When your child is a toddler, focus on all the things he can’t do. He’s not walking as soon as other children. He’s not talking as good as other children. It is embarrassing to take him out in public because everyone comments on his looks. Blame your spouse for his disability. Or, equally worse, blame God. Whey has He forsaken you? Why has He saddled you with this tremendous burden? Spend your child’s infant and toddler years lamenting the sadness, disappointment and loss.

As your child gets older and goes to school, always blame the teacher or the principal if he can’t do something. After all, it MUST be their fault. They are discriminating against your child if they try to make him behave or actually complete his school project. He has a disability! Doesn’t that come with the right not to have to do homework or obey the class rules?

Try to force the sports teams to let your son play, and they will. But your son cannot play soccer/baseball/basketball as well as the other children and he is humiliated by his poor skills and the disappointment from the other children when their team loses. Make sure to yell at your child for his poor performance. After all, if he didn’t have a disability, he would have made a great soccer/baseball/basketball player, and it is a horrible loss for you to admit that your son is a failure.

Argue with your partner/spouse over your son. You don’t both agree on the best style of parenting, so each do your own thing and teach your child that he is a constant source of distress between the two of you. Possibly get divorced. And blame your son. If he hadn’t been born, you would have had nothing to argue about.

You see your son as worthless…he can’t play sports, he gets in trouble all of the time in school, (as you have been his best advocate that he doesn’t have to follow the rules because he has a disability,) and he has minimal social skills. Do not be surprised when he turns to drugs.

He assumed that he was SUCH a disappointment that you would be better off without him. Do not be surprised when he takes his own life…

This rant follows a recent suicide of one of the students who is visually impaired with whom I worked. Like all adults who were a part of his life, I wonder where I was to blame. I tried in vain to impart my enthusiasm for a bright future for him. I tried in vain to make the parents realize that by setting their child apart they were denying their child an equal part in society. I tried in vain to tell the parents that their child may not be good at basketball, but he could swim spectacularly! Maybe he couldn’t play soccer, but give him a bowling ball, a bowling ramp and a lane of pins and he could get a strike two times out of four. He had such a way with younger children that I imagined him a teacher one day. But his parents did not see it. They only saw their own disappointment. Their own embarrassment at having a child who looked different. Their own anger at each other for the having “caused” this disability. They only saw their own feelings and never once stopped to think about how this was affecting their child. Their child who would never become the teacher I envisioned.

My suggestion to parents of children with disabilities is this: your child is a wonderful creation who, for whatever reason, was born with a disability. Rejoice in your child! Look for the things he CAN do, and incorporate them into your daily life. Plan for his education in a realistic, non-judgmental manner. Sure the teachers may screw up once in a while, but haven’t you also, at one time or another, misjudged your child? Try to keep the peace at school. You only meet with the teacher once in a while, your child has to go to school every day. If you and your spouse disagree over parenting, see a counselor who can help you work together. Most of all, find something in which your child excels and enjoys, and fly with it! Everyone wants to have success in life, and your child is no different. Whose to say one type of success if more important than another?k

For more suggestions on how to raise a child with a disability, please, read my book. Here is a link:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-apple-tree/id538572206?mt=11

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

 

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And last, but certainly in no ways least, here is a parallel story to the above one from yet another blog I love to follow, about saving a rescue dog, “Butterfly”:

The Broken Butterfly

Posted on March 29, 2014 by rachelmankowitz

There’s a special value in rescuing a dog, beyond knowing that you’ve saved someone’s life, or feeling like a good person: a rescue dog is a reminder of the broken things in the world, and of how sacred they are. My rabbi told us that the broken pieces of the first set of tablets of the ten commandments – the ones Moses smashed when he saw his people building the golden calf – were kept in the ark along with the pristine final set of tablets, as a necessary part of the whole.

Butterfly, with her missing teeth and adorable protruding tongue, her heart murmur and lumps and bumps, is an important part of the whole story. Not all dogs are born to happy families, or adopted by happy families, and taken to the vet each time they have the sniffles. Happiness is only part of the story.

Butterfly was recently diagnosed with diabetes. She had a urinary tract infection back in the fall, but with antibiotics it went away. We were curious about why she’d gotten it, but assumed it had something to do with how low to the ground she was when she peed, compared to long-legged Cricket, who practically hovers in the air.

As soon as she started to pee in the house again in February, we took her straight to the doctor. The vet on duty did some tests, took an x-ray to rule out kidney stones, and gave us antibiotics for another suspected UTI. We wrapped the pills in chicken and peanut butter and hot dogs and all of her other standbys; we crushed the pills and mixed them with water and then with her food and parmesan cheese. We did everything we could think of just to get the antibiotics into her system, against her will. But not only wasn’t she improving, she looked sicker and sicker every day. She was noticeably lighter when I picked her up, she didn’t do her usual poopie dance, and she stopped waking me up in the morning, waiting instead for me to wake her up and convince her to go outside.

My concern has always been her heart, because she has a prolapsed mitral valve and is at risk for heart failure. I knew this when I adopted her. But it’s a hard thing to remember when she is running and jumping and smiling at me. I was afraid that after a year of watching her flourish, I was going to lose her.

We collected some of her voluminous pee and brought it to the clinic to be tested, and made an appointment with a different vet. As soon as we met the new doctor he took a blood glucose test, to confirm the results of the urine test, which, he told us, showed very high sugar. In the office that day her sugar was over five hundred. It’s supposed to be under a hundred.

I was relieved. I’d been so scared that this was heart failure, and she was dying, but diabetes is treatable. The doctor showed me how to give her a shot of insulin in the scruff of her neck. He also gave us a liquid antibiotic to try on her, instead of the dreaded pills, because the UTI was clearly being maintained by the diabetes and needed another round of antibiotics to wipe it out.

Every morning, and evening, I give her a dose of the antibiotics which she hates, making angry toddler faces and sticking out her tongue, and I give her a shot of insulin, which she doesn’t seem to mind. Some days I do a better job than others. It still feels strange to stick a needle into her skin, and I can be too tentative, but mostly it gets done, and she’s improving.

The rest of the day, I follow her around with pee test strips to see how the insulin is working.

The first time I saw her run again after her diagnosis and treatment began, I thought my body would crack open from all of that joy.

for the things he CAN do, and incorporate them into your daily life. Plan for his education in a realistic, non-judgmental manner. Sure the teachers may screw up once in a while, but haven’t you also, at one time or another, misjudged your child? Try to keep the peace at school. You only meet with the teacher once in a while, your child has to go to school every day. If you and your spouse disagree over parenting, see a counselor who can help you work together. Most of all, find something in which your child excels and enjoys, and fly with it! Everyone wants to have success in life, and your child is no different. Whose to say one type of success if more important than another?

 

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Thanks to everyone whose posts I have reblogged here today; it was a work in process so I didn’t take time to contact everyone before selecting your material! (If you’d like me to make changes, just let me know!)

We learn so much from our families, from each other!

Better Endings to All! – Linda

The Only Way to Get What You Want, by Lidiya of Let’sReachSuccess, and “Who Are You?”, a Poem from iithinks

Two Guest Re-blogs about Finding Fulfilment by Being YOU!:

The Only Way to Get What You Want

Posted on March 31, 2014 by Lidiya

“You can start right where you stand and apply the habit of going the extra mile by rendering more service and better service than you are now being paid for.”
Napoleon Hill

Everyone is good enough for anything. But a small number of people are remarkable in what they do because they go the extra mile.

By Stephen Brace @Flickr

That means they go beyond average, dedicate time and efforts and make sacrifices. It’s a sure way to success and great results in any area, but few are willing to actually do it.

All people are capable of more than they think. And there are so many examples of that in history as well as today. Just think of all the successful entrepreneurs that started at a young age and worked hard, of all the famous scientists and inventors who’ve tried and failed so many times before they succeeded, of all rich people who started from nothing, all athletes who dedicated years of their life to training.

The Habit

In his book The Magic Ladder to Success (you can get the free PDF here), Napoleon Hill lists hard work as one of the inevitable things you’ll have to go through if you’re really willing to make a change. He calls it  the habit of performing more work and better work than you are paid to perform.

Here is what he says:

“I do not believe it is possible for anyone to rise above mediocrity without developing this habit of performing more service and better service than is actually paid for in dollars and cents.

 All the ability on earth, all of the knowledge recorded in all of the books down the ages, all the schooling on earth, will not create a profitable market for the services of a man or woman who renders as little service as possible and makes the quality as poor as will pass.

 On the other hand, the spirit of willingly performing more work and better work than one is paid to perform is sure to bring its just reward. It will offset many other negative qualities and the lack of many other desirable qualities.”

It’s really important to realize that without doing some work you won’t get anywhere. And as everything else, it’s also a habit. Because only going the extra mile and then repeating it many times can help you get whatever it is that you desire. Only if you’re willing to do that, can you actually get anywhere and become whoever you want.

It’s simple, but not easy.

I’ve noticed that people usually think that the things worth fighting for are too complex and often don’t even give them a try. They also think there must be some secret that can help them get it easier.

Well, there isn’t. Things are really simple because all the fundamental rules we’ve all heard of are what it really takes to get there. But it’s not easy. It will take time, it will take energy, efforts, and many other things depending on the situation.

People still think they can find an easier way to lose weight and get fit, but the truth is that the basic things we all know about healthy dieting, exercising and motivation, especially the combination of them, are the way to the body we want.

Here is what Johnny B. Truant says in How to Be Legendary:

“No form of success is complicated.

Repairing a relationship involves communication, patience, and time. Learningdance steps involves rehearsing them until you get them right. Becoming fluent in Italian requires speaking andreading and hearing Italian and maybe practicing vocabulary. Building a business requires finding a need in the marketand filling it, and learning from experience.

You already know what you need to do. You just need to do it.

If you want to quit smoking or drinking, doing the work is fighting cravings every day, maybe forever.

If you want to write a novel, doing the work is sitting down for a few hours every single day and putting words on thepage even when you suspect theyʼre horrible. If youʼre currently a bad writer, doing the work might even mean writinga few 100,000-word go-nowhere manuscripts full of terrible prose while youʼre learning, and then simply throwing themaway. Oh, and doing the work might entail a lot of rejection, too.

If you want to lose 300 pounds, doing the work is several years of dieting and exercise.

Doing the work is not for the faint of heart, but it is the key to achievement. Have you ever noticed how very few people are truly, truly, truly committed to a goal? Thatʼs why so few people achieve truly remarkable things.”

So with this post I want to remind you of 6 things:

1. It’s absolutely possible to reach all your goals.

2. You already have what it takes.

3. You’ll need to work hard.

4. Then to do it repeatedly.

5. You’ll need to go the extra mile and go beyond what is considered average.

6. It will also take dedication and sacrifices.

Without these six things in mind, I’m afraid you won’t achieve anything. And that means you will never do anything with your life when you could have done so much.
I see so many people wasting their time doing meaningless activities, wasting their potential doing stuff they don’t enjoy. And it’s so sad when they turn back and realize they could have done remarkable things with their life and helped others at the same time.

So if you don’t want to be one of them you need to be willing to work hard for what you want. It could be anything because you can simply achieve anything. But the way to do it is one – through hard work, repetition, practice and dedication.

Lidiya is a Marketing student from Bulgaria.Her passion is writing and she spends a lot of time blogging at Let’s Reach Successwhere she writes about success, simplicity, life hacking and self-improvement and wants to inspire people and remind them of their potential and powers.

You can find her on Facebook or reach hear by email at lidiya@letsreachsuccess.com

 

http://letsreachsuccess.com/2014/03/31/the-only-way-to-get-what-you-want/comment-page-1/#comment-8842

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Who Are You?

WHO ARE YOU?

O’ Human Being
You were so noble
What happened?
The world changed directions
And you blindly followed along

Covered in blackness
Do not blame the sun
It continues to shine
But what no avail
If eyes are closed?

Your life is frantic
One thing after another
Barely above the water
Hearing the world whisper:
Keep up or drown!

Don’t listen, Don’t listen!
I promise it’s not too late
Become a human once more
Discover your Life again
Leave, leave this chaotic state!

Take a moment and relax
Nothing will fall apart
Sit in silence with yourself
Feel the Power of the One
Do you see what you are?

Come close, listen to what I see
You are the light of the heavens
Dripping with waters of Truth
Flowing in waves of Beauty
You are nothing but Love

Everything comes from within
When you find yourself
The world will fall to its knees
And whatever you need
Will begin seeking you

I’m not here to flatter you
This is nothing but the Truth
In prayer I ask for us all:
Let us find our true nature
And become reunited with You

The beautiful image is provided by graphic designer Shiraz Khan. He designs modern, beautiful and spiritually-inspired prints to place in your home. Giving you constant reminder of what is most important in life!! You can check out his great work at http://inonepeace.ca or click on the widget on my sidebar. Thank you Shiraz!

http://iithinks.wordpress.com/

A Montage: Light and Spirit (reblogged from AjayTao and Findingmy inner courage)

 

A innocent smile – Ajaytao

A smile of encouragement 
at the right moment may act 
like sunlight on a closed-up flower
it may be the turning point 
for a struggling life

Unknown

 

 

A pink rose – Ajaytao

morning dew
the subtle sigh
of a rose

Ernesto P. Santiago

 

Canvas of nature – Ajaytao

Don’t look for God in the sky
look within your own body

Osho

 

Within The Light That Does Get In

25TuesdayMar 2014

 

Posted by findingmyinnercourage

There is imperfection in everything. It lives everywhere in our lives; a break, a crack, a fault. We all find imperfections at some point, even if it’s in the smallest of cracks. Imperfection is not bad, it’s merely room for growth.

A cracked window offers a dark room light where one can start to see where we are meant to go next. For those of us who acknowledge our imperfections we learn to appreciate the lifeline to which we cling. Within the light that does get in we feel a love so pure and outreaching, leading to a healing within ourselves.

There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.

– Leonard Cohen

Glowing butterflies – Ajaytao

The flower is
the stem’s cry 
of beauty 
to the universe

Vassilis Comporozos

Crowning glory – Exquisite beauty – Ajaytao

Crowning glory – Exquisite beauty – Ajaytao

Simplicity is the final achievement
After one has played a vast 
quantity of notes and more notes
it is simplicity that emerges 
as the crowning reward of art

Frederic Chopin

White Mussaenda flowers – Ajaytao

White Mussaenda flowers – Ajaytao

A broken light bulb
It’s dawning
The naked street
A butterfly

Vassilis Comporozos

 

***

Thank you, AjayTao and Findingmyinnercourage.

May We All Let in the Light for Better Endings! 

 

 

Epiphany: Warming up your vehicle–>Life Application, by E for Encouragement; and Making Lemonade, by Mirror of Health and Fashion (Two Guest Re-blogs)

Dear Readers: For this week’s Guest Re-Blog, I have selected two nice posts that reinforce our theme of “Habitual Better Endings”. Here are two Good Habit suggestions. I have used a very similar Lemonade cleanser recipe for a cleansing fast and found it very helpful as well as tasty! – L

1)  Warming up our Vehicles/ Warming up Our Mornings with Affirmations and Prayer

Monday, 17 March 2014~~This morning, I was driving with a family member in her vehicle to run errands.  In the driver’s seat, I asked her, “How long do you warm up your car?”  (The temperature was in the 40′s F.)

“I don’t.  I just go,” she answered.

“Oh,” I replied slowly.  (I was taught to always warm up my vehicle in the morning for good functioning and longevity of the vehicle.)

My epiphany: Besides good functioning vehicles, we as individuals (mothers, fathers, community leaders, employees, students, role-models) for a better-functioning day, deliberately need to warm up our mornings with positive affirmations, prayer, Bible reading, deep breathing, etc.

Yes, I agree: stabilizing and creating good habits can be difficult. However, with the right motivation in the morning or “common sense” of warming up a vehicle, I am positive of a great functioning day and life.

“Cheers!” to warming up our mornings as we “warm up” our vehicles to function well.

E for Encouragement 

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Day Cleanse with tasty lemonade

Posted on March 13, 2014 by Mirror of Health & Fashion

Standard

We all know how body cleanse is an important in our life.We need to clean our body like we wash our face,hands or using a body scrub to clean the skin.Detoxification is the process of eliminating toxic substances from your body. Please notice,before beginning any detox diet, it is always good idea to check with your health care provider, especially if there are any health issues.I like to use my lemonade detox drink,which is great because lemon contains an ascorbic acid,which is good cleanser.Choose your day of cleanse,in that day I eat only fresh fruits and vegetables and drink 8-10 glasses of this lemonade drink.

http://mirrorofyourhealth.wordpress.com/2014/03/13/day-cleanse-with-tasty-lemonade/comment-page-1/#comment-217

Wellness Tips, by findingmyinnercourage, and The Positive Flavor of Words, by DancingDolphins (Re-Blogs)

Stress Is The Enemy Of My Health

Posted by findingmyinnercourage 01SaturdayMar 2014

It has become imperative that I avoid stress in my life and make a conscious effort to maintain and achieve a healthy mind. Eliminating stress will leave me calm yet energized, focused yet relaxed. This I know after just one instance of eliminating stress in my life.

Here’s how it’s going to work! I’m going to push the boundaries of science and belief; digging deep into my spirituality and learn ways to improve my life, eliminate stress and find the happiness I crave.

Pearls Of Wisdom For My Grandson

  08SaturdayMar 2014

Posted by findingmyinnercourage i

To My #1 Grandson –

It’s important for me, as your Grammy, to pass on to you the pearls of wisdom I have learned throughout my life from the kindness of others.

As you grow and learn my wish is that some of the following thoughts will guide you as you begin your life’s journey to be the best you can be while experiencing a rich and happy life filled with family, friends and those you interact with in the years to come.

Never leave the house without your sense of humor.

You can grow up and become anything you want.

Respect and learn from your teachers. They are heroes.

Work on developing an appreciation for music, art, literature and other forms of expression. It will nurture your soul.

Work to help those less fortunate and also work to ease the burden of others by treating them with respect, praise, kindness and good manners.

Embrace the differences in others and learn from them. And always love and respect your parents. You are the greatest gift they will ever receive.

Each day, show people you love how much you care. They won’t be around forever.

Practice forgiveness. Not for the person you believe harmed you, but for yourself. Anger, pain and resentment are a heavy burden to carry throughout your life.

If someone treats you with kindness, a warm smile and a quiet thank you speak volumes.

Please learn to accept people for who they are, not who you think they should be.

Learn from the past, live in the present and plan for the future.

Limit your use of sarcasm. It is often used as a disguise to hurt others.

Believe in yourself. Others may question your integrity, honesty, optimism and faith. Always remember that you are special, unique and the only you that will ever exist. Make friends with that as soon as possible.

Don’t put yourself down. There will be enough people in the world who will want to do that for you.

Embrace changes that enrich your life. Learn to tolerate and make the best of those that don’t.

Your Dad is a brainiac. Absorb every fiber of his being.

Know your Creator. By knowing your Creator, and following His guidance, you will fulfill achievement in the pursuit of your dreams. Always, always say your prayers!

At the age of 3 you have already learned how to create happiness by receiving and giving unconditional love to everyone you come in contact with. My heartfelt wish for you is that it continues every day of your life.

Love, Grammy Dawn (a/k/a Meechie)

 

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The Positive Flavor of Words (by DancingDolphins)

Words such as “rise,” “flourish,” “grow,” “shoot up,” “spring forth” have such a positive ring around them that anyone can imagine the action rather than the mere inflexion of the word. Some of the words in the English lexicon are such positively-flavored words that using them really helps one feel the positive vibe or positive feel of such words.

Some other words are “pristine,” “clear,” – these reek of such pure vibes that one feels their pull and can have a visual picture before their eyes when these words are uttered.

Do you agree?

http://dancingdollfins.wordpress.com/2014/03/05/the-positive-flavor-of-words/

Some Benefits of TV (Two Guest Re-Blogs)

As part of our focus this week on applying Better Endings to the topic of television, I  searched online for stories on how television might benefit people under the right conditions. Here are two useful, informative viewpoints.- LW

How Watching TV Helps Your Health–A great excuse to watch TV tonight…

By Jessica Girdwain

 http://www.redbookmag.com/health-wellness/advice/watching-tv-has-health-benefits

Not all tube-watching is a big waste of time. In fact, research suggests that certain programs may actually have health benefits for you and your family.

Take nature shows, for instance: In one new study from the University of Rochester in New York, people who watched nature scenes felt more energetic and charitable. Previous studies have found that just looking at still images of nature can lower blood pressure and muscle tension, two markers of unhealthy stress.

But Animal Planet and National Geographic aren’t the only beneficial channels — turns out, network teen dramas may be a free sex-ed lesson for your daughter. Young girls who watched an episode of The OC (remember that show?!) that featured a character dealing with an unintended pregnancy said they would be more likely to practice safe sex, a study from the University of California, Santa Barbara found.

“It makes them feel more vulnerable to pregnancy, and imagining that they are friends with the characters makes them more open to the message,” says study coauthor Robin Nabi, Ph.D.

Points for entertainment value: Girls did not report the same safe-sex intentions after watching a news program on teen pregnancy.

Read more: Health Benefits of Television – Benefits of Watching TV – Redbook
Follow us: @redbookmag on Twitter | REDBOOK on Facebook
Visit us at Redbook.com

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How Communicative Is Your Preschooler? — 5 Ways TV Time Can Help

By Carey Bryson

http://kidstvmovies.about.com/od/healthytvhabits/a/How-Communicative-Is-Your-Preschooler-5-Ways-Tv-Time-Can-Help.htm

 

You know that educational shows for preschoolers like Dora the Explorer or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse can help young children learn simple concepts such as letters, shapes and early reading skills. But with a little help from you, limited TV time can be an effective tool in teaching kids far more important concepts, such as thinking skills, communication skills, and early literary concepts. Here’s how you can use TV shows and movies to help your child excel:

1. Talk about the story and ask a lot of questions…

Every time you watch a TV show or movie with your child, talk about the show just as you would talk about a book. Ask your child which part of the show was his favorite. Which character did he like? Why? The more you can get him talking about the show, the more he develops communication skills and the ability to recall and relate to a story. As you know, even adults benefit from having good communications skills, so just by talking about the shows he watches, you are putting your preschooler on the path to success.

1. Retell, retell, retell…

If you’ve had a child go through school, you know that one of the key things teachers gauge in those early reading years is how well a child can retell a story she’s just read. Can the child effectively communicate what happened in the story? Does she include the beginning, middle and end of the story as she recounts the main events?

After your child watches a movie or TV show, even if she’s seen it a hundred times, go over the story with her afterward. Talk about what happened in the beginning and the middle, and point out how the conflict or problem was resolved in the end.

Once your child seems to understand what it means to retell what happened in a show, see if she can do it on her own. As she tries to recount the events in order, encourage her by asking questions like, “What happened first?” and “What happened next?” Once she gets the hang of retelling stories from TV shows, books and movies, she’ll be well on her way to making up well-constructed stories of her own.

1. Predict, infer, and analyze…

Predict, infer and analyze are big words for preschoolers, but they don’t have to understand that’s what they’re doing. You can easily help your child learn to predict by asking, “What do you think Diego will do next?” or “Oh no, what will happen if Curious George eats all those doughnuts?” Extend this TV time learning by asking him to predict what will happen in real life situations throughout the day with questions like, “What will happen if…” or “Which one would work better…”

Teach your child to infer information that is not explicitly stated in the shows and movies he watches by looking at characters’ faces and other details. Some of the easiest inferences for children to make are about characters’ feelings. Ask him, “How does Minnie feel knowing that everyone forgot her birthday?” If he has trouble expressing what he thinks she feels, point out the signs that show she feels sad: “See Minnie’s face? It looks like she’s frowning. And she’s looking down at the ground. I think Minnie feels sad.”

Very young children can also learn to analyze through talking about characters in movies. As your child becomes more comfortable talking about the stories he reads about and sees on TV, ask him to analyze characters’ motivations and actions. A few examples of questions you could ask him are: “Why do think Handy Manny wants to help Mr. Lopez?” “Why do you think Mr. Lopez doesn’t want Manny’s help?” Even if your child doesn’t hit the nail on the head, encourage him for trying and offer your opinion on the characters’ actions and motivations as well.

1. Talk about the characters’ behaviors and consequences…

In addition to discussing story elements, drawing inferences and making predictions, also talk about behaviors and attitudes. Discussing characters’ actions as you co-view allows you to relate family values and help solidify your child’s knowledge of social and life skills. Reiterate character behavior you like: “I really like how Doc McStuffins helps her little brother when he has a problem.” And point out the consequences of poor choices: “It’s too bad that Stanley yelled at his friend. Now his friend doesn’t want to play with him anymore.”

Ask your child questions about how characters’ behaviors affect themselves and others. “That’s great that the characters learned to brush their teeth properly. What do you think the dentist will say next time they have a check-up?” “What would happen at the appointment if they didn’t brush their teeth?” These kinds of questions seem so simple, but they lay a strong foundation for kids’ thinking skills. Being able to analyze their own behavior and how it will affect others, or themselves, is a skill many adults still need to work on. So establishing the habit early can make a difference.

1. Compare and contrast…

Yes, you can prepare your preschooler for those dreaded Compare/Contrast essays she’ll get to write in middle school! The process of picking out similarities and differences will be oh so familiar to her by then, if you ask her now to tell you how two characters like Boots and Swiper are the same or different. Or how Dora’s trip to Mermaid Kingdom is similar to her trip to the Enchanted Forest.

Another great way to engage preschoolers is to compare and contrast a movie with the book it’s based on. Look for good movies based on books that your preschooler likes, and ask her to tell you how the movie was different from the book, and how it was the same. Movies based on books can also encourage kids to read more, and those that are narrated word for word can even help kids learn how to read with fluency and feeling.

The difference that simple practices like these can make in a preschoolers’ ability to communicate, think and create their own stories is phenomenal. Many parents use these questions and techniques when reading, but discussing TV and movies in the same way provides even more opportunities for learning and growth. Not only that, but preschoolers love the time and attention. They have fun talking about their favorite things, and they’ll be ecstatic to have that one-on-one time with you.

Mindfulness Guest Re-Blogs, from Rebecca Shafir and from Susan Gillis Chapman

Dear Better Endings readers:

For today I have found two insightful web descriptions of resources about Mindful Communication. I re-blog them here for your interest, since Mindfulness in Communication is the principle of Better Endings we are focussing on this week. Good reading to you! – Linda

Mindful Listening for Parents: The Best Lesson You Can Teach Your Child, by Rebecca Shafir 

Ask any parent what they wish their children would do better, and the most likely reply is “To listen!” Ask the children what they wish parents would do better, and the reply is exactly the same – “To listen!”

Unfortunately, better listening isn’t usually taught in school. So it’s up to parents to set the foundation for listening at home… and it’s never too late.

This talk highlights the importance of listening for everyday communication and family relationships, including:

• The listening challenges we face in the 21st century and what we can expect in the future as “technocreep” further infiltrates society
• Listening myths – and the truth about listening
• The four characteristics of mindful listening, and how it changes relationships
• How the brain listens – the neurophysiology of hearing and listening in simple terms, and what we know about gender listening differences
• Barriers to listening and how to transcend them
• The four most common listening stoppers and how to listen under stress
• Hearing it, but not “getting it”: how to spot an auditory processing problem and what you can do about it

Better listening starts with parents! This talk is practical and enlightening and includes time for questions and answers.

http://www.mindfulcommunication.com/talks-workshops.htm#Mindful Listening for Parents 

Rebecca Shafir
Mindful Communication
61 Turkey Hill Road
West Newbury, MA 01985

Tel: (978) 255-1817
Fax: (978) 255-1838
Email: rebeccashafir@att.net

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[about the book:] The Five Keys to Mindful Communication–Using Deep Listening and Mindful Speech to Strengthen Relationships, Heal Conflicts, and Accomplish Your Goals, by Susan Gillis Chapman

Good communication is essential to any healthy relationship, whether it’s between spouses, family members, friends, or co-workers, and mindfulness—the practice of nonjudgmental awareness—can help us communicate more effectively and meaningfully with others in our personal and professional lives. Here, Susan Chapman, a psychotherapist and long-time Buddhist practitioner, explains how the practice of mindfulness awareness can change the way we speak and listen, enhance our relationships, and help us achieve our goals.

Chapman highlights five key elements of mindful communication—silence, mirroring, encouraging, discerning, and responding—that make it possible for us to listen more deeply to others and to develop greater clarity and confidence about how to respond. Other topics include

• identifying your communication patterns and habits;
• uncovering the hidden fears that often sabotage communication;
• staying open in the midst of difficult conversations so that we can respond wisely and skillfully;
• and learning how mindful communication can help us to become more truthful, compassionate, and flexible in our relationships.

The book:   The Five Keys to Mindful Communication

Using Deep Listening and Mindful Speech to Strengthen Relationships, Heal Conflicts, and Accomplish Your Goals

by Susan Gillis Chapman  $15.95  Paperback

AVAILABLE http://www.shambhala.com/the-five-keys-to-mindful-communication.html

The Olympics, or Synchronized Peeing (Reblogged from February 9, 2014, by rachelmankowitz)

The first Olympics I really remember was in 1988, with the Battle of the Brians, and the Battle of the Carmens, and Liz Manley coming out of nowhere with her cowboy hat. I’m a figure skating fan, obviously.

I used to think about taking Cricket skating, on a lake, if a rink wouldn’t accept her. I think she would prefer hockey skates to figure skates, so she could do fast stops and flick snow on me. Butterfly would look adorable in a figure skating dress and four little white skates.

 

“Can I have skates?”

This is the first Olympics where I don’t wish I could go in person; most of the time it sounds so exciting, to visit another country, to be there in the stands for the opening ceremonies, and to cheer on my favorite athletes. I love the ideal of nations coming together in peace and sportsmanship. I can feel my heart expanding as I watch the march of the athletes into the stadium. I learn a lot about the cultures of other countries, I learn the names of other countries, and enjoy their fashion choices. But I don’t want to go to Russia.

Maybe it’s because I grew up with stories about Refuseniks, Jews who were not allowed to leave Russia or to practice Judaism freely in Russia. But also, Putin scares me. And Siberia scares me. The extreme cap on free speech, and the ease with which they throw people into prison, scare me.

But I still love watching the Olympics on TV, whether it’s on time or delayed or taped on my DVR. Somehow they get me to watch ski jumping, and snow boarding, and rhythmic gymnastics, and beach volley ball, for hours. I think I even watched a few minutes of curling last time around.

I wish my girls could participate in an Olympics. They could have all kinds of events specifically for dogs:

• The great poopy run – judged like a rhythmic gymnastics routine.

Cricket is in the lead!

Look at her go!

• The long distance pee trip – a dual test, both of how long can you walk, and how many times can you pee in one walk without refueling.
• Synchronized peeing, a pairs’ event – two dogs trying to match their stance and the length of the pee at the same time. Butterfly and Cricket have been practicing for this event for months.

Consecutive peeing, it’s a start.

• The escape from your harness event – how fast, and with what level of ingenuity can you get out of your harness? Cricket is the odds on favorite!
• The barkathon – endurance, volume, artistry. And then, the group barkathon!

Prepping for the barkathon.

 

Butterfly’s looking to Cricket for lessons.

            Wouldn’t a group barkathon be the ultimate way to end the closing ceremonies?

ABOUT RACHELMANKOWITZ

I am a fiction writer, a writing coach, and an obsessive chronicler of my dogs’ lives.

Successes So Far, by Lidiya

 

Posted on February 11, 2014 by Lidiya

Although I deny living in the past (and try to follow the minimalist principle of consciously experiencing the present moment), there are a few exceptions. They are certain situations and circumstances that allow referring to the past.

One of them is to go back in time and try to analyze our previous behavior, mistakes and failures. Another one, to which this post is dedicated, is to remind ourselves of past successes.

I believe this to be a simple technique we can use when we feel down, are disappointed of the lack of self-improvement or to boost our confidence and motivation a bit.

I refer more to successes in your personal development process rather than the material ones (like promotion, salary raise, new apartment and so on). Of course they are big achievements too, but I’ve noticed people to pay too much attention to them and that often ends by making them feel too confident and proud. And this is a step back.

Instead, I want you to do this simple exercise using things such as: successful habits you’ve built and bad ones you’ve ditched, a big change in your way of thinking, new qualities, having overcome a fear of yours, taking lessons from failures, giving up on something you couldn’t imagine living without in order to become a better person, and so on.
Also try to stress on how this has helped you, remember how much effort it cost you and feel good for having done that.

I’ll share some of mine. It’s not some kind of bragging, just a little reminder to myself that I’ve achieved something, that it was worth it and that if I’ve done it once, I can do it again. This way I know I have a reason to keep going further in my development and expect big things.

Here they are:

1. Going vegetarian

That’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever taken and I’m so glad I did it when I was 16. It’s been almost 6 years now and I feel great.

One day back in 2007 I read a lot about meat, then I read more. And after getting familiar with every aspect of the process of how animals are being treated before they are killed, how the meat we eat today is prepared and the way our body digests it (or at least, tries to), I decided not to eat it anymore.

From that day on I’ve never tasted it again. And if my body, mind and soul feel better, then there’s no other opinion I need to hear.

As I think of it, that is a proof that somewhere deep inside I have the motivation to control all my habits. I just need to desire the change bad enough.
I definitely haven’t mastered that but knowing that the power to do it is in me is rather relieving.

2. Acceptance

I learnt to accept things when there’s nothing I can do and the situation depends on outer factors.

A quick example: While on a holiday in Holland – visiting it for the first time – we missed the train to Amsterdam while in a hurry. I spent the 15 minutes until the next one arrived in a relaxed waiting, while my friend was furious and complaining about that for the whole time. These negative emotions, in my opinion, were just pointless.

So, if it’s raining, be okay with that. You’ll do what you’ve planned tomorrow. If there’s a big queue in front of you, either wait patiently, or put it off for another time.
Getting angry and focusing on the result that things don’t go as planned won’t help. It will just make it worse.

I accepted the past as it is. I accepted the uncertainty of the future. I accepted my mistakes. You can do it too.

3. Followed my passion

It’s one thing to find it and completely another to dedicate time and energy to it every day. And the more I write, the more contentment I find in life. Because that’s my passion.

4. Appreciation

I often stop for a while to look around, see the beauty in little things and experience the moment. I appreciate more and more the things I have, the hardships I’ve been through, the places I visit and people I meet.

Some time ago I didn’t do that and it was a goal of mine to learn how to stop every now and then and just find time to smell the roses (as is the last line of a favorite movie of mine – “Crank”). I guess I’ve reached it to some extent.

5. Finding simplicity

I’m grateful I had the chance to get familiar with Zen and Minimalism. And although I’m not a strict follower, I chose to live by some of the principles these philosophies offer.

So far that has worked wonders.

6. No judging

I stopped judging others. It’s not my right to judge and put labels on people.

7. Positivity

I’ve worked hard on substituting all the negative thoughts in my head for positive affirmations, all problems for opportunities and the failures and mistakes for lessons.
It’s a great way to live life.

8. Fitness

I finally managed to make it a daily habit. With some exceptions, of course, but now going to the gym is one of the good parts of my day and I look at it more like a pleasure than a task.

It’s one of the few healthy habits I love doing. On all others I’m still working.

9. Letting go

That’s a huge deal for me. I consider this to be one of the best things someone can learn to do that can change his life once and for all.

There are so many things we need to let go of – expectations, other people’s opinion, regret, perfection, disappointment, the past, worries, etc.

I’m trying to do it in the best way possible – simply and easily, by understanding, breathing deeply and just letting things, people, places and thoughts let go with a smile.

10. Giving and sharing

Somehow I find a way to include this universal law into most of the posts I write: Give as much as you can and expect nothing in return. And as a result, you’ll have more and will be more satisfied with yourself and your life.

I advise you to give this simple technique a try. Here’s why:

• it will make you feel better;
• it will remind you of your abilities, potential and power;
• it will motivate you to keep doing what you’re up to and follow your dreams;
• if you’re on the verge of giving up on something that’s difficult but important, this will show you that if you’ve achieved these things so far, you can do much more.

 What are your successes so far?

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Lidiya is a Marketing student from Bulgaria.Her true passion is writing and she spends a lot of time blogging at Let’s Reach Success where she writes about success, simplicity, life hacking and self-improvement and wants to inspire and motivate people and remind them of their potential and powers. 

You can find her on Google+ and Facebook or reach hear by email at lidiya@letsreachsuccess.com.

 

 

“There’s Gotta Be More”, by Mandi (Caged No More)

 

I am ‘guest re-blogging’ Mandi of Caged No More’s post from Feb. 3 on her site. She was hoping for some feedback but didn’t receive much then, so maybe we can give her some feedback from here. Our topic this week is “Better Endings” via dreams and dreaming. In this light, Mandi’s honest questioning is worth focusing upon, not as a ‘cautionary’ tale but as a reminder that wherever we are at, Better Endings are RELATIVE, often based on taking and celebrating one small step at a time.

And so, Mandi’s story:

There’s Gotta Be More…

Posted by Caged No More

So…There’s this battle inside of me, a war I’ve been waging for a few years now. It has nothing to do with my father’s depressing condition and quality of life, my Bipolar disorder, or past eating disorder issues. It’s personal, and circumstantial. You see, my world was shaken and changed forever in 2004. It wasn’t just the diagnosis of Bipolar, it was the dark, and tragic events that led up to, and followed that burned deep down through my veins, bleeding into my soul. I made decisions that were poor, but I did what I had to do to survive my inner struggles and to just make it.

At age 18, I had a complete scholarship at the private college I was accepted into;a full ride as they call it. Not only that, the V.A. or Veterans something where my dad is a Vietnam Veteran were happy to supplement any of my other needs at the time like cost of a new computer, transportation, help with shelter, and so on. Plus, my GPA and mile long list of honors and extracurriculars in high school made me look like a major asset. Basically, I had it made. I could have gotten my B.A. in Psychology for free. No student loans to haunt me for years to come. Maybe even some great help in continuing with my Master’s as well, if I had completed it all by a certain age. I think it was 25 or something. I had so many hours left for government help, but as I was in and out of college through the years, they expired on me. I strongly believe in never looking back, never saying I could have or should have. However, this was a bitter pill to swallow. Not only all of that, but my mental illness made my life a nightmare for a long time. Things most definitely did not turn out the way I had planned, or the way I designed my future in my sentimental scrapbook all of the senior’s in high school receive…

The plan was to complete my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology, continue with a Master’s focusing in Counseling Psychology, and finishing with a PsyD. Beyond there I would work my way into my own private practice, have a very nice, substantial income, and in the process fall in love! Upon falling in love, my soul mate and I would marry, honeymoon someplace exotic and tropical, and later have around 4 kids. I would be very, successful in my career, a sexy, slim and trim, wife, and at the same time an amazing mommy to my precious kids, that I’d dreamed of having for years. However I did complete 60 full college credit hours without debt…Hold up!

I am now at the opposite end of the spectrum. I’m living poverty line, but fortunate enough to be able to have very fast internet, allowing me to blog like this and keep up with social networking, a decent place to live, a nice car, for now, and food. Most of my clothes were bought by my mother. She has been such a blessing in these dark times. Oh yes, and most importantly, my biggest blessing is my health insurance. It’s the best available, but with this insurance comes a price…No, I don’t pay for it. At all. It’s just that in order to keep it, I must stay in the predicament that I am currently in. For a long time I declared myself a slave to the rules of our government. I became very bitter, and quite ungrateful for this priceless health insurance I currently have. In manic times, I considered going down to the government office that pays me and telling them “I quit!” I feel trapped. I tried the “Ticket to work” program, only to have it blow up in my face. My attempts were unsuccessful because the timing was off. I wasn’t mentally ready for that at the time. Though over a year ago I landed a job at a psychiatric hospital, I was unable to keep it. In fact, I only made it through 4 hours of just orientation. It would not have worked out anyway because the position required me to be aggressive with patients that lost control, do CPR, and handle chaos and crisis on a daily basis. I was high on caffeine upon applying for the position (It induces mania for me as it exacerbates my Prozac which is an anti-depressant, pushing me up too high into a manic episode).

So you see, I want to work. I want to be like everybody else. This is crazy because I’m the one that goes around preaching non-conformity constantly. I just have this ‘get up and go’ about me. I am most definitely a morning person, so upon waking up, I evaluate what I have to look forward to for the day, and desire to get out and get things done. Problem is…now there is nothing to get done, other than to go to appointments or the pharmacy. How did I get here? Why am I here? I was always a good person, except when under the grips of mania, or a deep, dark depression. As time went in during the short amount of time I was in college, my moods or emotions dominated me and all of my capabilities. I had to withdraw. In fact, a few times as my credit hours were acquired over a period of 4 years, which was not only devastating but humiliating.

Since all of this went down this past decade, I have applied and even enrolled in several online universities. Of course, I never went through with any of it. Now I am in a pickle as I ponder on the matter of returning to school, taking out student loans to pay for it, and questioning if I will even be able to work when I must get a decent job within 6 months after graduating to begin paying back these loans. I am not in debt in any way right now. I don’t want to create a large debt either. I don’t trust our government as this country I live in, the U.S., is in such a shape we’ve never seen before. Why take out loans now, when who knows what could happen in the next decade??? I just don’t want to set myself up for failure. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in myself…but, how do I get there? Should I just try to find a job using the 60 hours that I have as a selling point? It worked at that mental hospital. Over the past few years, I have applied to several nice jobs that would make me feel good about myself, as I have college and worked toward a goal career. These jobs had higher requirements and standards. I never met the qualifications. The only jobs I was offered interviews for these last couple of years were for restaurants and things like PetSmart. There is nothing wrong with these if this is where you are. I do not disrespect it at all. It’s just not what I’d dreamed of. I need some type of technical degree for something like a medical assistant or something. I know I am absolutely not going back to a regular college or university to finish that B.A. as my memory is not what it used to be. I think that traditional college isn’t for me now, as I am on both Lithium and Lamictal, which even my psychiatrist agrees affects cognition.

All of this brings me to my actual point. If I take out student loans I am unsure of how that will affect my government situation, and I know for a fact, upon getting a job, after a very, very short period of time that fancy insurance of mine will cease. I will no longer qualify. How can people be so rich with health insurance and so poor financially? There is no middle class anymore. I am on 4 psychiatric meds, but have been blessed to get off of the most expensive one which was 900 bucks a month, and no I am not making that up. Then, I take a stomach pill for the damage years of Bulimia have brought me, a Thyroid pill due to my taking Lithium causing that, and inhalers as I am an asthmatic. So, could I pull off the co-pays for this stuff with a job? I am also very needy in the medical area. I somehow get injured a lot and am quite accident prone, but that’s beside the point. I need really great insurance because of my mental health condition and everything.  I go into therapy and get an entire hour with my therapist absolutely free because my insurance is worth millions.

What to do, what to do…

I am tired of feeling stuck. I just feel I am not living my fullest potential. I have so much more to offer this world. I am not ready to retire because I am not even 30 yet!!! On a more positive note, as I’ve mentioned here in the past, I am finally at my all time, optimum level of mental health! When I fill out this survey every time I go see my p doc, Its been a perfect healthy score these last 3 or 4 months! I am focusing better now that I am off of one of the medicines I began in 2006, I’m concentrating well, reading now, and showing interest in activities like reading, writing/blogging, movies, staying in touch with special people, being better at accomplishing things around the house, I am not scared of going to Church with social phobia anymore and everything! I have my strong points.

I know my posts are typically uplifting and positive, but I am just sharing where I am career wise with you guys. I feel there’s more to my purpose on this earth. I am totally open to any and all input from all of you. Please do comment if you have any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions. They would be so, very much appreciated! I am sending love to all of you this morning! I hope you have a great Monday, wherever you are and whatever you may be doing! Thank you if you have read this far, I know it’s a lot.

God bless!!!

-Mandi

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Dear Mandi,

Thanks for letting me re-blog your story. I wanted to do so because it is important for our blog participants to recognize that “Better Endings” is not all about Polyannish thinking or misplaced optimism. I am interested to see all the work you have done to cope with and to a large degree even to overcome many of the very challenging conditions you are blessed with. And yes, I do see your obstacles as blessings, as your own unique gifts that can help you to grow even in directions many people will not experience in this lifetime.

I notice that you have provided some possible answers to many of your own questions in the process of writing out your thoughts:

“I need some type of technical degree for something like a medical assistant or something. I know I am absolutely not going back to a regular college or university to finish that B.A. as my memory is not what it used to be.”

Since your health condition has improved and you have been able to stop some of your meds, this sounds like a good possibility, if it’s what you really want. You are obviously a very intelligent person, as is clear through many of your blog posts—compassionate, thoughtful, and honest.

With Life Mapping, I try to help people realize that anyone can “Live Your Dream, Now!” The emphasis is on YOUR DREAM and NOW.  Better Endings is not about tomorrow or pie in the sky. What is your Dream, that you CAN “Live, Now”, as you continue to define and live into your Life Dream? You are living with greater clarity since you transcended one drug. You are now in position to be able to contemplate the direction you would like to go, Here/ Now. You are learning from all of your hard won experience, lessons you can help impart to others facing similar problems.

I guess the most I can say, as to a friend, is, keep moving forward, one small step at a time. A flower bud is tightly wound at first and then it opens beautifully when it lets in the Sun and the nourishing force of Life which it draws from the core, from the soil and stem. Stay open to the nourishment and centered guidance of your dreams. Listen to your deeper Self, and…blog on! – Linda

I welcome Comments and Insights on behalf of Mandi, from all Readers & Dreamers!

Together, We Are Love…Early Childhood Memories

Thursdays are Guest Blog days at Better Endings. On our weekly topic of Childhood Memories, I found a Daily Prompt set of posts from December 2012 all about peoples’ “Earliest Childhood Memories”. Reading through them I realized that the vast majority of early childhood memories, like the one I posted from my own life on Tuesday here, are about Best Friends or Best Pet Companions. Mandi’s comment Tuesday reinforces that (reposted as #1 below). And so I re-blog three “Early Childhood” memories.

(1) Comment from Mandi of Caged No More (on betterendingsnow.com, Jan. 27,2014):

I love your story of true friendship! It sparks many memories from days long ago, when Renee, my bff, and I met in 5th grade homeroom. I will never forget the first thing she said to me! “Do you want to arm wrestle?” I could not have found anyone more different than me to connect with, but we absolutely clicked! My best friend and I are still going strong, 18 years later! Wow…that seems like forever to me. There is no one else in my life outside my blood relatives that I have known for such a long time! I think its wonderful that we have these precious childhood memories of our dearest friends to reminisce upon in our lives today.

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(2) Re-blogged from Vandysnape (Daily Prompt on “Earliest Childhood Memory”, Dec. 9, 2012)

Thanks to The Daily Prompt‘s new blog post idea, I get to write about my earliest childhood memory.

Before I begin with my earliest memory, there is a bit of a family history that you should probably know. When I pose the same question to my sister about her earliest memory she’d tell me some stories about things that happened when she was just 6 months old. I think that’s an elaborate cock and bull story that she always pulls off on me. My father’s told me that his Uncle could remember things that happened when he was in his Mother’s womb. Well,…Let’s just say that I’m reserving my judgment on that. So, in a family with such ‘history’ of good memory I seem to lack that skill very much. See that little baby in the left side of blog’s banner [picture not uploaded-LW]? That’s me but I have no memory of that phase of my life.

My earliest childhood memory is in my kindergarten classroom. In the first few months of school I felt very homesick but was fortunate enough to have a sweet classteacher Mrs Ramathilakam who put with a whole class of cry babies. I was also quite lucky to have a kind girl for a classmate. I remember her face vividly. She was a very fair and chubby girl with a coconut tree hairstyle much like mine and she brought the coolest set of goggles to school everyday.

Every time I cried, she would put on the goggles and give me a big smile. Then, I would stop crying. If she put down the goggles, I would cry. This went on for sometime but never once did she stop being cheerful. I don’t remember how we both talked to each other. She spoke Malayalam and I spoke Tamil and neither of us knew much English to have a lively conversation. Yet, we both laughed and smiled at each other. She was also the first person to teach me a Malayalam word “Vellam”(Water). I don’t remember much of my kindergarten though. I think she left the school in UKG. It is all very vague right now. I try hard to recollect her name but I guess it has just left the realms of my memory.

Yeah.. Vague it may be but thinking about all those good memories brings some warmth to the heart and I hope the girl grew up to be a kind person as she was the day I met her. So, what’s your earliest childhood memory ?

About vandysnape Hi ! Welcome to my blog… I’m Vandhana. what about me? I’m a huge Beatles and Ilayaraja fan. As my friends say I’m always 15 – 30 years behind in music .. I love reading books ..Well,actually Harry Potter introduced me into reading ..So , I’m trying to catch up with as many novels as I can.. But non-fiction is a strict no-no for me 🙂 🙂 My blog is a reflection of a few strands of my thoughts.. Very random.. I don’t stick to a particular genre. But Hope you find it interesting 🙂

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(3) Re-blogged from keiththegreen on Daily Prompt (“Earliest Childhood Memory”, Dec. 9, 2012)

Childhood Revisited:

My first memory was my mom catching me sharing cookies with our dog. Truth betold it happened often enough, that it probably imprinted itself on my mind. Saturday mornings my parents would take me along, and do the rounds of Woodwards Department store, the buthcher and bakery. Upon getting home, Sargent our German Shepard would happily greet us with tail a wagging. While lunch was made, and dad did some of the outside chores, I would play with Sargent, who was my best buddy back then. Wherever I went, he was beside me, the faithful sidekick. After lunch I would take my Thimbul coookies, homemade by mom, and either eat them in the back yard, or some quiet spot in the house. Sargent of course was beside me, and what little super hero would deny his partner in keeping his world safe, a just share in the rewards. So it was a regular occurence, of my getting caught with my hands on the cookies, in the act of handing one to Sargent.

keiththegreen

PTSD Can Affect Survivors Of Natural Disasters, by Cristina Goyanes (Men’s Health)

All,

I found this article that is very relevant for our weekly theme of Surviving Disasters. I repost it here in lieu of our usual Thursday Guest Blog:.

Do You Have PTSD And Not Know It?  How Hurricane Sandy put you at risk

By Cristina Goyanes for Men’s Health (Prevention News / control/click to access original article, or http://www.menshealth.com/health/do-you-have-ptsd )

The phrase “post-traumatic stress disorder,” or PTSD, usually conjures images of combat zones and car accidents—not Frankenstorm-smashed communities.

But the truth is, any life-threatening event, including natural disasters, can trigger the condition. Evidence of this dates as far back as the Great London Fire in 1666. And in the wake of Hurricane Sandy’s destructive impact across the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic in late October, many people, especially those who are still displaced or living without heat or electricity, may be showing symptoms of the disorder.

Stress

“Regardless of the type of traumatic event—be it a rape or a hurricane—the symptoms that follow are similar,” says Spencer Eth, MD, a psychiatry professor at the University of Miami and associate chief of staff of mental health at the Miami Veterans Affairs Healthcare System. “Feeling bad after a natural disaster is called being human; it’s normal to be angry, irritable, and anxious. But if you start to feel worse over a certain period of time, don’t ignore it.” (To learn more about different types of anxiety disorders, check out our helpful guide.)

Take Hurricane Katrina survivors, for example. “Research shows that people who waited a long time to feel relatively safe again—meaning they had more difficulty finding refuge and taking care of their basic needs—tended to develop PTSD,” Dr. Eth says.

Your move: Keep track of how you feel for one month in the aftermath. If each day starts to feel a little better, you may be in the clear, says Robin Kerner, PhD, a psychologist who is trained in psychological first aid response to disasters and works at Manhattan’s St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital. The likelihood of developing PTSD is not high (about 30%), unless you’ve experienced previous trauma in your life (i.e., child abuse, war tours) or have a history of mental illness.

There’s also a slight chance you might have a delayed reaction, not expressing symptoms until months or years later. Kerner’s best advice: Practice what she calls the Grandma Cure. “Eat right, exercise, get a good night’s sleep—all those things our grandma and mother told us to do are good for our mental health,” she says. “Also, focus on creating new traditions and new routines to help cope over the holidays.”

Sandy survivors: If by late November or early December you’re experiencing any of the symptoms described by Dr. Eth and Dr. Kerner, talk to your doctor.

You can’t turn off instant replay It’s normal to re-hash a horrific event (like watching your things float away in water) in nightmares or flashbacks. But when you’re constantly seeing, hearing, and smelling frightening things as if they were happening all over again, you might have a problem. It doesn’t help that your TV keeps showing devastating footage of the event. Do yourself a favor: Change the channel, both on the tube and in your mind.

You refuse to return to the scene of the crime After 9/11, lots of people stopped flying. The same reaction applies for Sandy victims: You may not want to return to where your house once stood or rebuild your home to make it habitable again. Sure, it’s easy to want to pick up and start fresh somewhere else and never set foot on the beach or boardwalk that reminds you of the catastrophe. But emotional numbness and avoidance will not help you cope with the situation, or truly move on. Face the facts, and if you can’t, don’t isolate yourself—try to stay as socially connected as possible.

You feel ready to blow a fuse You’re not sleeping well. You can’t concentrate. You’re feeling extra jumpy and on-edge. It’s normal to feel these things if you’re tired, hungry, have no heat or power, and can’t fill your gas tank without waiting in a ridiculous 2-hour line. But if you continue to feel bad and pessimistic about your future, talk to your doc.

Advice and Insights from Mainstreet, by Tell Your Story participants

“Most people feel the system is out of whack. To get into place today, it seems knowing the right people and networking is vital. Competition for jobs is fierce. I would tell people to never give up and never settle. Life is too short to be depressed about an economic crisis.”

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“It’s all about your attitude. If you have a good attitude, it will take you far; but if you have a bad attitude it will take you just as far the other way. I know, I’ve had bad attitudes within this stretch. I try to keep it positive as much as I can. But you can’t do it all the time.”

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“My general comment would be for people to not give up. It’s so easy to just sink into depression, but if you just get up every morning and just come determined, and have courage, then it will eventually work out. Just live day by day and have courage.”

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“One way I try to look at this is, What can I learn? What kind of lessons can I have come from this? What’s good about this? What’s the benefit? Can I look at it from that perspective? Otherwise you’re just gonna be frustrated, be angry. ..And then you’re miserable. I mean, I’m unemployed, but that doesn’t mean I’m miserable.”

******

“When you first get unemployed it has a social pariah attached to it. So people tend to withdraw and not tell anybody, they try to mask the fact that they’re unemployed. But that’s the exact wrong strategy that they should be pursuing. The right course of action is to let everybody you know, know that you’re unemployed because they all understand that. A lot of people are well-meaning and they’ll try to hook you up with jobs that don’t match your qualifications or interests, but they do get the word out.”

******

“I think in a sense that there is a higher power, and that I can look at the bigger picture and this is just a circumstance. This is not who I am, it’s just a circumstance of my life, and separating the two is important because sometimes you start to identify with being unemployed and labeling yourself: you know, ‘I’m unemployed, there’s something wrong with me, the world is against me.’…But if you say, ok, this is a circumstance, this will pass, what can I do to change it… Otherwise, you lose control and you can think…’I’m a victim’, your power’s gone. And when you give up your personal power, then there’s no more options.”

******

“It’s just real. It’s not positive, it’s not negative, it just sort of is. You just have to go with it and keep going.”

These statements are from people who shared their voices for the 2010 -2012 Tell Your Story project in Colorado Springs. Interviewers included Lindsey Raymond, Ivy Tyson, Christopher Hollander, Julie Weinheimer, Matthew Shell, John Palka, Rebecca Cornell, Rebekka Grainer, Sabrina Flugrath, along with 10 additional TYS team researchers.

Guest Poem: Choices We Make, by No-Name

 

 

Choices we make

choices we take

choices we fake

all end up in a never-ending lake

No-Name is the author of the beautiful blog Ek Boond Ishq Unofficial (at http://ekboondishq.wordpress.com). She also presents more of her poetry and visual art at holdpatterns.wordpress.com