Family Better Endings

Ah, Family! What a blessing, in whatever form we share with those in our innermost circle.  Families come in many forms around the world in various cultures or conditions. Universally, families serve vital functions: raising and caring for children, providing economic support for one another, providing a nurturing living environment.

In our post-modern condition, sometimes families are composed of social relations including but also extending beyond our genealogical connections; “families we choose”.   In my own experience, though I have lived 1000’s of miles from my core family for most of my adult life, family is bedrock; those whom I return to every opportunity there is. Family carries a value of Acceptance which truly is deeper than blood. It is where unconditional love can be relied on, no matter what ‘outside’ conditions you might  face. I also live with a home family of other-than-human animal companions; we share that same total reciprocity of unconditional love, acceptance and mutual caring as with siblings and mother (my father has passed).

My mother is in a nursing home now, 87 next month, suffering from late stage Parkinson’s and arthritis.  Her children and grandchildren and sisters visit her at every opportunity, aiming to bring the best possible Better Endings her way.  She deserves the best, too, as she gave of herself and continues to give of herself to all her relations, always.  I dedicate this week of Better Endings blog posts to my Mom, Elizabeth, in upstate New York.

Better Endings in my life have often come through family ties.  Whether it was my mother always somehow knowing exactly when I might need a phone call from Buffalo to Phoenix, AZ, or catching up with all the activity in my brother and sisters’ busy lives and families of their own, family time is an uplifting balm for the Soul.

One quick memory to share of Family Better Endings in tribute to my mother; I would not be alive today—nor most of my siblings—had this not occurred.  Cincinnati, Ohio, circa 1961. (I was 6.) We had a swimming pool in our back yard and my brother, sister Lee and I were swimming.  Mom was in the screened in back porch, attending. Very quickly, gray clouds amassed. Suddenly, my mother came out and yelled urgently at us all: “Get OUT of the pool, NOW!” We did, not knowing what was wrong. We all scurried with Mom into the porch area, and no sooner had we reached the porch when, WHAM! A huge bolt of lightning struck the water!

We have asked her for years, “Mom, how did you know?” All she can answer is, “A Mother just knows.”

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My Mom, with my sister Lee, her daughter, Daughter-in-law, and grandchild (by Lee Ireland)

I invite your stories and insights, in any form (e.g. poetry, photos, or prose) about Family and Better Endings. I’m sure we all have plenty to tell!

P.S.: Thank You to everyone reading this blog, either regularly or for your first visit!  What a new world we live in where we can all share like this!

My Life Dream, by panikikubik

I’m living above another persons dream

Posted at 10:16 by panikikubik, on March 9, 2014

I’m living above another person’s dream. I’m sitting here like a cloud or a goddess and the dreamer doesn’t know it……because he is occupied, practicing a difficult accord on his guitar.

I still don’t know if it’s an honor or a hell. Because it’s hard to think and write and plan anything meanwhile the dreamer is playing on his guitar. But I won’t say anything to him. I don’t want to be a person who kills another person’s dream. He could be the next Jimi Hendrix. And you don’t take away dreams from people. Dreams are all the crutches we humans have on our back-packing here on earth.

I have to find a way to cope with the dreamer until he gets rich and moves out from his grandma’s apartment, into a big house with gorgeous ladies and an own music studio.

Maybe I can take my own guitar and knock on his door and join him. I can hear that we are at the same level in the guitar technic, which worries me, because I’m so far west, east, north and south as you can be from Jimi Hendrix talent, and so is the dreamer. Does that mean that the dreamer will never get rich and move out to that house with a pool and gorgeous women? No, he is young, he got long rock’n roll hair and he seems to be determined in his choice of profession, so he will find a way to get there.

What did I just write and think?

No he is young, he got long rock’n roll hair and he seems to be determined in his choice of profession, so he will find a way to get there.

But, what about me?

I’m not young but still not that old, I have long hair and…will I get there? Do I have a dream? Yes, I’m dreaming about a good life, a good health a good day at work. But wait – that’s not dreaming. That is wishing.

Is it so that after a certain age, dreams transforms into wishes that after another certain age transforms into whispers?

I realized this night and morning that somewhere along the road of daily life, panic, stress, low self-esteem and the stigma of getting older – I stopped dreaming and I started wishing.

I wish that I will get old enough to celebrate my both of my son’s 50 this birthday: I wish that I can manage to keep on going to my stressful job so I can pay the rent. I wish that my teeth stays in its good condition I wish to keep my good health I wish I don’t die too early

These are my wishes….and I will keep them. But where are my dreams?

Was it the panic disorder that took them away? Well, some yes, because it’s very difficult to fulfill dreams at the same time as you have a panic disorder, I won’t go into those details know.

Is it my age that took them away? I’m 49, still fit and looking nice but I’m always 10 years ahead in my head. When you watch television, internet – the new stars are young people, younger for each year. And if you are 27 in a song competition, you’re considered old.

As I wrote in my post “Are you where you want to be in life right now?” – the first step to any change is acknowledgement.

Somewhere along the way I stopped dreaming. I settled for wishing. Don’t get me wrong. Wishing is important. But it’s not a substitute for dreaming.

After almost finishing this post I went into my kitchen to get my coffee cup and meanwhile I stood by the window, looking out – I suddenly  – right in front of me – saw something I been waiting for.

Look in the middle. A new green shoot at my cactus. It wasn’t there last weekend.

I have written about my cactus in an early post of mine “After all these years of joy and struggling I’m afraid to lose the past“. My cactus is a symbol for me, a symbol for hope, life and strength It was an old (about 25 years) brown root when I saved it from the dustbin. Then after one year – the first new green shoot came from the brown root. Every year there has grown out a new shoot. I’ve been looking after the new shoot for this year.

This morning I found it. My first thought was: There you are, I’ve been waiting for you. And I felt hope. I have to do the same. Keep on growing new shoots.

In the video above, Bruce Springsteen sings, “Dream Baby Dream”.

I will start to do that again.

I hope you will too.

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