A Re-Visioning Conversation

This week’s life mapping activity invites you to practice a “re-write” as a form of applying the principle of Better Endings.

Recall a communication Moment from your life that may have marked a pivotal transition in a relationship or situation. What might you have said, that you didn’t? How might you have spoken or replied otherwise than you did? Might it have mattered? How?

Replay this conversation, either by using “active imagination” (in an aware, contemplative, imaginative mode), or by journaling. You could also ask a spouse or significant other to model the other person’s role.

Allow this imagined or re-scripted conversation to become transformational, to achieve a “Better Ending.” For some situations, this might mean reaching a “closure” that was never possible before (my example below). For others it might mean getting to share what you were not able to at the time, or allowing the other to share what you now sense they might have based on what you have learned since then.

“Ellie”

Preface: I LOST my dog of 12 years’ companionship, Ellie. She was a dear, close companion. Yet by nature this sweet, orange boxer-Rhodesian ridgeback mix was timid and afraid of strangers. This proved her demise when I left her with a new friend’s sheltea in a fenced back yard while my friend and her daughter and I went for breakfast. When we returned, Ellie was gone. She had jumped up against the gate, which opened, and she would not allow neighbors to take her in, in a city residential neighborhood totally unfamiliar to her. I looked for Ellie for over six months almost daily, driving from Colorado Springs to Denver to search for her. She wasn’t chipped nor was she wearing a name tag on her collar, as she would never normally be more than an arm’s length from my side.

To Ellie:

L: Oh, my dear, I can only hope that, whatever happened, you always knew in your heart that I love you. I hope and can only trust that you felt somehow Spirit was with you, comforting you as you slept, guiding events in the best possible way they could unfold in the situation.

E: I tried to find you. I never stopped trying.  Do know I loved you, too.

L: I looked for you everywhere I could think of looking. At all the shelters; via Craig’s list; in all of the greenbelts I could walk, over and over. I followed leads, and dreams, that seemed to be guiding me to where you might be, in storms and sun, days and nights. But I could not reach you, my Friend. I held a ceremony for you, with GM and TU; we buried some of your favorite possessions, read spiritual passages for you.

E: I heard you/ saw you inwardly then. I was never without spiritual companions, though I rarely felt them outwardly in the panic that consumed my search.

L: Dear, dear Ellie, I am sorry. I left you alone with another dog in a stranger’s yard. I am sorry I took you at all that day. I should have realized your timidity would not allow you to adapt so quickly to new friends.

E: You wanted a companion dog that could go anywhere with you. I wanted to stay home, safe beside you.

L: I love you, dear Soul. I wish you the most wondrous spiritual adventure as Soul, forever.

E: I needed this push to prepare me for what was to come, in my next life.

L: But I hope that the trauma you felt will not hold you back.

E: Soul grows from all experience. I chose to try to find you and found instead the world is bigger and more full of danger, and care, than I knew.

L: Goodbye, dear friend. If I can ever comfort you, I am always Here, close to your Heart, as Soul. Twenty-four/ seven, times Eternity!

E: I go forward with fresh experience. Thank You.

L: Thank You for  all the Love you gave.

******   ***

The poem below is re-blogged (after my initial post of the tribute to Ellie), from Cats at the Bar:  http://tvkapherr.wordpress.com/  :

Remember love?

Impermanent.

Remember joy?

Immeasurable.

What is love,

what is joy,

but knowing

what is you?

By floridaborne twoonarant.wordpress.com

***

Thank You to readers and those “liking” this post. Of course it is a difficult story to share but I feel that in using this vehicle, I am sending my heart out along the cosmic sea of Spirit and Divine Love as the opening image betokens…there is no real separation of Soul to Soul, so I do believe.

Mindfulness Guest Re-Blogs, from Rebecca Shafir and from Susan Gillis Chapman

Dear Better Endings readers:

For today I have found two insightful web descriptions of resources about Mindful Communication. I re-blog them here for your interest, since Mindfulness in Communication is the principle of Better Endings we are focussing on this week. Good reading to you! – Linda

Mindful Listening for Parents: The Best Lesson You Can Teach Your Child, by Rebecca Shafir 

Ask any parent what they wish their children would do better, and the most likely reply is “To listen!” Ask the children what they wish parents would do better, and the reply is exactly the same – “To listen!”

Unfortunately, better listening isn’t usually taught in school. So it’s up to parents to set the foundation for listening at home… and it’s never too late.

This talk highlights the importance of listening for everyday communication and family relationships, including:

• The listening challenges we face in the 21st century and what we can expect in the future as “technocreep” further infiltrates society
• Listening myths – and the truth about listening
• The four characteristics of mindful listening, and how it changes relationships
• How the brain listens – the neurophysiology of hearing and listening in simple terms, and what we know about gender listening differences
• Barriers to listening and how to transcend them
• The four most common listening stoppers and how to listen under stress
• Hearing it, but not “getting it”: how to spot an auditory processing problem and what you can do about it

Better listening starts with parents! This talk is practical and enlightening and includes time for questions and answers.

http://www.mindfulcommunication.com/talks-workshops.htm#Mindful Listening for Parents 

Rebecca Shafir
Mindful Communication
61 Turkey Hill Road
West Newbury, MA 01985

Tel: (978) 255-1817
Fax: (978) 255-1838
Email: rebeccashafir@att.net

 ******   ******

[about the book:] The Five Keys to Mindful Communication–Using Deep Listening and Mindful Speech to Strengthen Relationships, Heal Conflicts, and Accomplish Your Goals, by Susan Gillis Chapman

Good communication is essential to any healthy relationship, whether it’s between spouses, family members, friends, or co-workers, and mindfulness—the practice of nonjudgmental awareness—can help us communicate more effectively and meaningfully with others in our personal and professional lives. Here, Susan Chapman, a psychotherapist and long-time Buddhist practitioner, explains how the practice of mindfulness awareness can change the way we speak and listen, enhance our relationships, and help us achieve our goals.

Chapman highlights five key elements of mindful communication—silence, mirroring, encouraging, discerning, and responding—that make it possible for us to listen more deeply to others and to develop greater clarity and confidence about how to respond. Other topics include

• identifying your communication patterns and habits;
• uncovering the hidden fears that often sabotage communication;
• staying open in the midst of difficult conversations so that we can respond wisely and skillfully;
• and learning how mindful communication can help us to become more truthful, compassionate, and flexible in our relationships.

The book:   The Five Keys to Mindful Communication

Using Deep Listening and Mindful Speech to Strengthen Relationships, Heal Conflicts, and Accomplish Your Goals

by Susan Gillis Chapman  $15.95  Paperback

AVAILABLE http://www.shambhala.com/the-five-keys-to-mindful-communication.html

Mindful Speech, and Silence

Mindful listening means being truly and fully “in the Present,” attentive within the immediacy of a communication Moment; not thinking about what you will say next, not fixated on what was just said.

One basic, fun exercise that might help you to be more Mindful in the Moment is to give yourself the grace to experience five minutes (or more, but few can go this long) without using language, at all. That means: “Do not talk, do not think, for thinking is but talking in one’s head” (from “Zen and Now”, a 1970’s documentary). During this language free respite, if someone talks, do not decipher what they are saying. If you pass a written sign, do not focus on it or decode it. Quiet the mind even while you move through nature or your everyday environment.

I start an Introduction to Linguistics class every year with this 5 Minute assignment of not using language. Students tells me it allows them to understand language—the human condition to a large extent, yes?—in a new light.  What are you without language? You are more OPEN to the immediacy of the Moment.  When you Listen Mindfully, you can extend this exercise by aiming to clear your mind while the other person is speaking. Pause before you reply, allowing what you just heard to filter deeply through your consciousness. Allow that new input to be processed before you respond. I find that if I take the time to practice this degree of Mindfulness in a conversation, I and my interlocutor may be amazed and surprised at the creative directions our conversation…or its absence even…might take.

Which brings up another aspect of communication that we often overlook: Silence.  Silence is a big part of every conversation or communication, though we Anglo Americans anyway tend not to recognize or to use it as such. In many cultures, for example notably among the Quakers and Amish and among Apache and Navajo Native Americans, silence is a communicative form of expression, an art all its own. Quakers aim to speak sparingly and when they do speak, to be a vehicle only for the most humble expression of divine love and simplicity. Apaches and Navajos know when not to speak, allowing any potentially conflictual exchange to be mediated and tempered by silence. American Anglos tend to be overly talkative, seen from one of these other cultural perspectives. It is as if we feel a need to crowd the air with noise to avoid the embarrassment of too much silence between us. But what are we missing in the interstices? Try sharing a meal or an hour of pure silence with a loved one—no TV allowed!

Each culture has its own conventions about communication, and we learn these conventions by the time we are able to talk. These conventions help us to hold a conversation according to the norms of our community. We also develop patterns of communication within our family, at school, or at the workplace. You can see these patterns or constraints most clearly when you consciously “violate” a convention. Try driving up to a McDonald’s window, for instance, and ask for a spinach salad, or a medium rare prime rib dinner. That’s a mild example. There are rules, norms and conventions for communication—some call them discourse scripts—for just about any kind of situated talk. Who can speak how, to whom, under what circumstances, and to what effect, are basic questions that define the sociolinguistics of communication.

My point with these examples is this: if you want to achieve Better Endings in your communication overall, whether for writing or for genuinely improving a relationship, first aim to understand what you DO NOW, in order to decide what you would like to be doing. If you find yourself overly constrained or habitual in your communication style or in “rules” of communication you have grown up with, try changing those conventions, mindfully, with positive, conscious INTENTION.

Changing a communication pattern, style, or convention reflects and can also establish a change in consciousness. Understanding and then changing a pattern of communication in a relationship can change that relationship, “for Good”!

I look forward to your Comments, Insights and Stories! As always, I wish for you Mindfulness, and Joy!

Practice Mindful Communication

Have you ever wished you could go back and change those words you spoke in a relationship? or with a departed loved one? or with your child? Are there certain situations that seem to “bring out the worst” in you, instead of the best, with respect to communication? Here then is your chance to revise what you said then, or to better prepare for what you will say, next time.

Tuesdays are Prompts List days at Better Endings. I invite you to use the list of topics below to write/journal, actively contemplate, or talk about a REVISION of a communication situation in your life. Create a dialogue that revises or remodels how you did, or would, engage in a conversation, to improve the outcome more in the direction you might wish that sort of conversation might have gone, or could.

Woulda/ coulda/ shoulda…but if you practice the principle of Better Endings we are developing weekly with this blog, you CAN change habits and improve communications in the present as well as envisioning how you might have done better in the past.

Already this week since I have been practicing some communication “re-writes” with respect to recent workplace and past personal relationship situations, I find myself becoming more mindful in the present moment with email and face-to-face conversations. Mindfulness, especially Mindful Listening to others as well as to ourselves, is the First Principle of Better Endings that governs the Prompts List this week.

So, here is a Prompts List, below. How might you apply a revision to one or more of the following situations? Go ahead, Practice Better Endings! I invite you to pay attention afterwards as you go through your daily life, to see how you may apply this principle Now!

• what you wish you WOULD have said
• workplace communications
• email communication
• social media communications
• what to say to someone who has lost a loved one
• what you wish you had said to a departed loved one
• how you might rewrite or revise a conversation that went awry
• how you might repair words said under stress or duress
• talking with certain others: your child; your boss or employee; your spouse/ significant other; a stranger;your pets
• changing bad communication habits (e.g. situational cursing)
• revising road rage thoughts or talk
• improving specific kinds of situations in which you have trouble communicating
• finding just the “right words” (e.g. editing)
• self-talk: positive affirmations
• self-talk: revising negative self-talk
• other-talk: revising critical harping or gossip

“The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness. Mindfulness means being awake. It means knowing what you are doing.” ― Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life

Please feel free to share your results, comments, insights, and stories!

Better Communication to You! – Linda

Better Communicating

This week let’s return a bit more to the original gist of our Better Endings theme. How might creatively revising a movie ending or the outcome of an historical event, for example, empower us to constructively apply that same revisionist approach to improving situations in our lives? So this week, let’s consider how we might apply the revisionist principle of Better Endings to situations involving COMMUNICATION. This might apply especially to situations where communication has gone awry or where you might tend to falter in specific kinds of communication situations.

For example, what about email communication snafus? I remember how after email had recently come out in the 90’s, it was difficult to hold a genuine conversation because we (myself, anyway) had not yet learned how to express our feelings well through email. I nearly lost a longtime, good friend because we each thought the other was sounding uncharacteristically gruff or crisp with each other over some trivial matter. I don’t even remember what the issue was that blew up to the point that we stopped interacting at all for over a year! Let me practice a Better Endings revision of how our communication might have gone differently with greater awareness, or mindfulness, on both of our parts.

Scenario: Over the telephone (Lindy in Colorado, Molly in Arizona):

Molly: Well, you should know I didn’t mean it that way.

Lindy:  I know! Isn’t that awful how easy it is for people to misread each other’s tone of voice in email? I apologize for assuming anything less than the best of you, Molly.

M: Should we just stop using email altogether?

L: I don’t know. Is there some way we could communicate better with email, in a more personal way? It is convenient, day to day.

M: Well, some of my friends use those emoticons. Maybe we could try adding some of those to express our feelings better.

L: Okay. I’ll look for some. We could also maybe try putting more context into what we are saying.

M: You mean like just explaining ourselves better instead of being ‘short’?

L: Hey, I’m the Shortie! Just kidding. But that’s part of it too I guess; we should feel free to check each other’s intentions if we see something we might be misinterpreting.

M: Ok. Let’s not let it get away from us like that again. I do care about you—you know that, don’t you?

L: Of course I do, Molly. I think of you as a friend for life!

M: Me, too.

******

Tomorrow I’ll provide a list of Writer’s Prompts around this weekly theme of applying Better Endings to communication situations.  Feel free to Comment with your insights and send stories! Thanks for reading! 🙂 🙂 :-)))

Cricket and Guber, by Denise Naughton

Where I lived in San Francisco there were many stray cats that came into my care. Eventually they were adopted, and they lived happily ever after. The two that stayed with me the most were Cricket and Guber.

As I was walking home from the subway one day, an orange striped cat began walking with me. It was clear that she was pregnant. I invited her to come home with me, where she could have her babies and then we would find her kittens and her all homes. Others had accepted this invitation, but this one plainly had her own plans.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I fed her and kept an attentive eye on her. One day, as she began walking with me, it was clear she had had her litter. I asked several times where they were, but I was met with only silence. One day I didn’t see the orange cat any longer. I looked for her for days, concerned about her and her litter. Then one day as I was walking home from the subway, out of the corner of my eye I saw movement. It was two little kittens playing in the empty lot where I used to find their mother. As I approached them they disappeared like a cloud of dust. I immediately brought food to the lot and hid.  Instantly they were devouring the plate of tuna.

I decided to get a humane cage from my vet, trap them, and bring them home. It took days of patience, but eventually I captured them. Initially I kept them in a very tall, large box. They were too small to jump out, and I had two of my own cats, and needless to say or not, they were not happy with their new roommates.

Cricket was a little calico and Guber was the color of striped orange sherbet. Anytime I came near without food they were full hisses and growls. I wondered what would be the bridge to abet their fear. It turned out to be toys. Once I began playing with them, all things changed, human and rescues became friends.

It took a bit longer for the feline residents of the flat to warm up to these tiny kittens. In fact, only the other kitten in the house, Rocho, began playing with them. My adult cat, Raj, just pretended they didn’t exist.

Cricket and Guber’s acceptance of human love couldn’t have happened at a more perfect time. Suddenly Cricket became very ill. I immediately took her to my vet where it was determined that she had distemper, and it was touch and go as to whether she was going to make it. She received medicine there and I took her home. She responded quickly to the medication, and it was clear she was going to make it.

However, Guber got sick as Cricket was getting well. My vet gave me more medication since it was clear that Guber had the same disease as Cricket. When I picked him up to give him his first dose I have never held anything so small and so close to death in my hands.

I took him to bed that night. I honestly didn’t believe he would make it through the night. Rocho came up on the bed with me along with my other cat Raj. Guber was on my bed right next to my head, and Rocho curled himself around Guber. Neither Guber or Rocho moved that entire night. I did because I was constantly waking to see if Guber was still breathing, and also giving him more medication. Raj stayed on the other side. Around dawn I fell into a deep sleep.

When I woke the next morning, Rocho was still curled around Guber, but Guber was awake, alive. I tried to feed him some cat food, but he wasn’t interested. Rocho was there cheering him on as well, but to no avail. Then I remembered I had raw ground turkey in the refrigerator, and tried that. Instantly, Guber was not only interested, but eating like he had the first time I had left food for him in the empty lot down the street. It was clear that Rocho was also excited about Guber’s recovery until he realized he wasn’t getting any turkey. He looked at me as if to say “I need turkey too”, which I gave, grateful that he had saved Guber’s life. I know it was teamwork, but it was Rocho that wrapped his body around Guber and stayed there until morning.

During this time a neighbor that lived in the house next to the empty lot told me that the mother had been hit by a car. She had tried to save the kittens, but she could never get close to them. She fed them, but one by one they had died. The mother had had a litter of five, and a mystery was solved. Their mother had not abandoned them.

Guber and Cricket stayed with me for three more months. I always knew that I was going to find a home for both of them. Ideally it would have been great if they had gone together, but that didn’t work out. I put a sign in our neighborhood pet store. The first person interested was a neighbor that lived across the street. He took Cricket. He had another calico, and felt Cricket would make a good companion.

Because Cricket and Guber were initially feral, they were never going to be extremely social cats with humans, but Cricket, renamed Emily, hid the first two days from both human and cat. My neighbor asked me to come over and be with Emily for awhile. I sat with Emily and told her the story of her life, and how this human was going to love her as much if not more than her mother, me, Rocho, and Guber. I could feel her calm down, and then I said goodbye. A few weeks later the neighbor left a thank you card. He said how grateful he was for the love and light Emily had brought to his house, and that he was so appreciative that I had saved her for him.

A few days later a couple came by to see Guber. The minute they saw him they were in love, and so was Guber. All three of them bonded instantly. The interview went well, and it was clear that they would love Guber as deeply as Emily was now loved. The couple gently put Guber into the crate they had brought, and that night the three of them left.

Of course, I had a great deal of explaining to do to Rocho. Raj was basically saying goodbye and good riddance, but Rocho was sad that his two companions were gone, and perhaps wondering about his fate. Once I sat down and told him their story he seemed to understand; still sad for a few days, but eventually back to his normal self. Of course, part of that story was how Rocho saved Guber.

Denise Naughton is an author, a public speaker, and an ABD Ph.D. Candidate at Union Institute and College. She is completing her dissertation on Jungian archetypes related to stock characters in Australian film.

A Quilt of Unconditional Love–a Principle We Learn from Our Pets

Today’s post will be composed like a quilt, a pastiche of images and expressions.

enhanced-buzz-18853-1372450530-12

Above picture and poem below From http://tvkapherr.wordpress.com/about/  Cats at the Bar (Everyone has opinions, especially cats):

Stressed by deadlines,
Oppressed by bills,
Depressed by the cruelty of the human race.

Battling traffic,
Fighting the flu,
In arms against the world’s frenetic pace.

All washed away,
A breath of relief,
Innocence, love, in a sweet little face.

By E.J. Geras

 Dogs and Cats, oh yeah!

We opened this week with the topic of “Pets ARE Better Endings“. Why? Because of their capacity to give and to receive unconditional love. Is there anything more important? Our animal companions bring the energy of love into our lives and hearts, daily. We can learn so much from their example.

The simple act of maintaining caretaking routines (feeding, grooming, playing, litter, walks) helps to keep us humans engaged in giving love daily, and what we can give and receive from this is immeasurable. Even the heart rate and blood pressure of ourselves and our animal friends harmonizes in a healthier pattern from such interaction.

http://tvkapherr.wordpress.com/about/

As a pet parent without children, a caring relationship with my pets is a life saver, a Godsend. For it allows me to be in the world as a loving companion. With today’s increasingly computer oriented technology and cyber-focussed reality, touching base with the purity of a pet’s unconditional love and acceptance is a healing force in itself. It is restorative, transformative, reminding me  of why we are truly here.

The Secret of Life, by Roxi St Clair

http://roxistclair.com/2014/02/09/the-secret-of-life/comment-page-1/#comment-7869

http://rachelmankowitz.wordpress.com/2014/01/26/thunder-shirt/

Your Pets Lifemap

 

For our Better Endings Life Maps Activity this week, you can start by listing all of the pet friends who have shared their life with you. Using your own intuitive guidance, list your pets’ names, the years they have been in your life, and something unique or characteristic about each pet and about the time frames they shared with you. You might use an adjective or a phrase describing each one. Then create a Mapping that shows in a way that is meaningful to you an arrangement of how these pets have ‘patterned’ in your life journey. The Bubbles chart shown here is my own mapping of individual or groups of my pet friends who have been in my life in different time frames. As an example for your own creative mapping–which might take another form for you–let me describe my mapping:

The first time frame shown in the orange bubble to the right represents Special Animal Friends from my Childhood, from about 8 years old til 18. Reviewing the list of some of my favorite animal friends from that time, I see some patterns. I befriended a wide variety of animals, both wild and domestic. I was always bringing animals home: frogs, white mice, a pigeon who flew into my garage and stayed for a year. I rode wild colts with my neighbor friends at local horse farms. I had a parakeet, Petesy, who was a close friend to talk to for many years. There were many cats…most of which I also brought home and only a few of which my father let me keep; and Queenie, a great companion beagle-poodle, who was ubiquitous as my special friend until and even after I left home at 18 for college.  These childhood friends exposed me to my own wildness and unconditional love. Animals were my special family, my Friends.

Reading my Pets Lifemap from East to South to West to North (yes, like a Medicine Wheel!), next came my heart throb of 11 years, my first solo pet away from home in college: Chela. I described her in my pet ‘reincarnation’ story Wednesday. What a great friend and constant companion Chela was. She accompanied me on my Big Move, from East to West; from Buffalo to Phoenix, Arizona. I would say she was a lifeline for me. CONTINUITY has always been one of my most valued and important values in relationships, and Chela was there for me–and I for her–as a thread of continuity linking my Childhood to my later life Journey in graduate school, dissertation research at Zuni,and beyond.

After Chela left, Ariel, shown here, moved into my Heart.  She was a dear Soul companion (absolutely I believe that Animals are Soul, Too), for 20 years!  Reflecting on her qualities that were a big part of my journey with her and other pets we also had while she was with me, I see attributes of their special characters that mirror archetypal character aspects  of myself: Intelligent/ Artistic Ariel; Freedom loving Skyway (a brindle dog who was an escape artist and loved to run!); Quiet/ Timid Ellie (an orange boxer/Rhodesian Ridgeback mix who was Skyway’s life companion and mine but who was very timid; a one person dog); and Expressive Loki (still in my life; a beautiful, all-white cat who is very communicative; he was quite the mischievous kitty and is such a SOLID friend!).

All but Loki passed–by their own life stories–before the next Ensemble Set arrived. I now live with Loki-Emily-Arthur (3 cats) and Sophia (Sophie, my Shorkie buddie; shown above with my mother, Elizabeth).  All of them are always there and I am there for them. They are my refuge, the Family I return to daily and spend the nights with between having to be out in the world. As a most naturally quiet and introspective sort of person myself, my pets are my touchstones. I am entirely humbled by their magnificent unconditional love and companionship. They are constant and true, whatever hardships or complexities have come into and gone out of my life among other Humans.

So try mapping your animal friends in relation to your life history. When did which of them enter and exit? What QUALITIES did they exhibit for you; what relationships did you learn about through them? People say we tend to resemble our pets. I would say there are no accidents and each of our special friends has had a special affinity with us; an archetypal synchronicity. Take some time if you would then to pause and APPRECIATE the wonderful LIFE GIFTS each of your animal–and human too, of course!–friends have shared!

************

I invite you to compose your own Pet Life Mapping. And do feel free to share your insights–or pictures!–with us!

The Olympics, or Synchronized Peeing (Reblogged from February 9, 2014, by rachelmankowitz)

The first Olympics I really remember was in 1988, with the Battle of the Brians, and the Battle of the Carmens, and Liz Manley coming out of nowhere with her cowboy hat. I’m a figure skating fan, obviously.

I used to think about taking Cricket skating, on a lake, if a rink wouldn’t accept her. I think she would prefer hockey skates to figure skates, so she could do fast stops and flick snow on me. Butterfly would look adorable in a figure skating dress and four little white skates.

 

“Can I have skates?”

This is the first Olympics where I don’t wish I could go in person; most of the time it sounds so exciting, to visit another country, to be there in the stands for the opening ceremonies, and to cheer on my favorite athletes. I love the ideal of nations coming together in peace and sportsmanship. I can feel my heart expanding as I watch the march of the athletes into the stadium. I learn a lot about the cultures of other countries, I learn the names of other countries, and enjoy their fashion choices. But I don’t want to go to Russia.

Maybe it’s because I grew up with stories about Refuseniks, Jews who were not allowed to leave Russia or to practice Judaism freely in Russia. But also, Putin scares me. And Siberia scares me. The extreme cap on free speech, and the ease with which they throw people into prison, scare me.

But I still love watching the Olympics on TV, whether it’s on time or delayed or taped on my DVR. Somehow they get me to watch ski jumping, and snow boarding, and rhythmic gymnastics, and beach volley ball, for hours. I think I even watched a few minutes of curling last time around.

I wish my girls could participate in an Olympics. They could have all kinds of events specifically for dogs:

• The great poopy run – judged like a rhythmic gymnastics routine.

Cricket is in the lead!

Look at her go!

• The long distance pee trip – a dual test, both of how long can you walk, and how many times can you pee in one walk without refueling.
• Synchronized peeing, a pairs’ event – two dogs trying to match their stance and the length of the pee at the same time. Butterfly and Cricket have been practicing for this event for months.

Consecutive peeing, it’s a start.

• The escape from your harness event – how fast, and with what level of ingenuity can you get out of your harness? Cricket is the odds on favorite!
• The barkathon – endurance, volume, artistry. And then, the group barkathon!

Prepping for the barkathon.

 

Butterfly’s looking to Cricket for lessons.

            Wouldn’t a group barkathon be the ultimate way to end the closing ceremonies?

ABOUT RACHELMANKOWITZ

I am a fiction writer, a writing coach, and an obsessive chronicler of my dogs’ lives.

Chela and Ariel–A Better Endings Pet Reincarnation Story

Ariel

I know that not everyone accepts or is interested in the idea of reincarnation. If not, that is fine, but please humor my story today. I want to tell a true, Better Endings story which I associate with pet reincarnation, but you are welcome to interpret the story however you like.

Chela was an orange tabby/calico cat that I shared my life with for 11 years. Chela was an amazing feline friend. She would ride around the house with me, draped across my shoulders. Outside, we would play a game where I would chase her in a big circle around the back yard; then I would turn around, and Chela would chase me! We were very bonded. Chela relocated with me on my “Big Move” from Buffalo to Arizona (see that story here from Feb.5). She also came with me for my dissertation study year at Zuni Pueblo, New Mexico. She was my touchstone there, or should I say a refuge of the Heart.

When I returned from Zuni to Arizona, I spent 6 months as an intern at the Museum of Northern Arizona. Chela couldn’t be with me then, so she stayed with a friend in Phoenix. At night in Flagstaff, though, I would close my eyes while sitting up in bed playing a recorder instrument to the tune of “Greensleeves”. I would imagine that Chela was with me then.

Chela developed a severe arthritic condition in her spine, so I had to let her go when she was only eleven. She appeared to me about a week after her passing. In a dream just before waking, I went to pull an envelope with a picture of her from my chest (heart) pocket. Instead, Chela energetically walked out from the envelope, as if to say, “Don’t remember me as a dead form; I am here with you now; I am still living, as Soul!” Chela then led me to where she was staying on the ‘other side’. She brought me to a beautiful, verdant clearing in a wooded valley, full of trees on the perimeter, and colorful flowers, and animals of all sorts! There was a small, wooden stage in the middle of the clearing.  Chela jumped up onto the stage and addressed her animal friends:

“This is Linda; she’s the one I’ve been telling you about!”

So, I went onto the stage with Chela and said hello to her animal friends.

Around 11 months later, I had another dream one morning. I was returning in the dream from a castle where I had been visiting a friend who had been a mentor for me before she herself had passed on, my philosophy teacher from undergraduate college, Dr. Antoinette Paterson (Toni). She had been the person who had introduced me to Chela one day when I went to her college office for an Independent Study session.

               “So, do you want to see the most beautiful Being in the Universe?” she had asked.

               “Yes!” I answered, and little kitten form Chela, who had been delivered to the Philosophy Dept. office in a box from a student, slept in my arms during our session and came home with me that day.

So, 11 years and 11 months later, in my dream I was leaving this castle area after visiting with Toni, and I saw at the entrance gateway a beautiful little female, fully grown, black-and-white-with-orange-splotches cat. I knelt down with my heart full of gratitude to greet and pet her as we felt like very old friends.

That very morning, I went to my university in Tempe, AZ  (ASU), where I met with my main mentor there, my Ph.D. advisor, Betsy. The first words out of her mouth to me that morning were:

               “Could you possibly take a kitten?”

               “Only if she is black-and-white-with-orange-splotches!” I laughed.

                “One of them is!” Betsy answered.

Ariel (that kitten-cat) was a Harlequin, tortoise shell, Calico. She had Chela’s orange-white tabby stripes etched lightly on her forepaws and temples! Ariel and I were close companion family for 20 years. Whenever I would play “Greensleeves”—as I often did—on the same recorder instrument I had played on in Flagstaff, wherever Ariel was and whatever she was doing, she would jump up onto my chest and purr loudly, rubbing affectionately. I played “Greensleeves” also on the day she departed again; this time, she passed away at home, in my arms. I felt she was graduating from the Physical plane altogether this time, progressing as Soul to become an angelic spirit-form. I have seen her since, but in forms I shall not venture to share here. As I say often to all of my pets now, our love is Forever, “twenty-four seven, times Eternity”!

Better Endings Pet Stories: A Writer’s or Artist’s Prompts List

Better Endings is all about reflecting on our lives from the point of view of what has helped–and not–in advancing our goals and dreams or those of others.  Animal ‘pet’ companions are certainly a great Better Endings resource to draw on when reflecting on positive influences in our lives.

The following Prompts List offers topics you might use to reflect upon “Pets and Better Endings”:

• finding a pet (or, being found)
• travel with your pet(s)
• learning life lessons from your pets
• losing a pet
• helping your pet pass on
• pets’ health
• healing companion pets/ therapy pets
• pets and dreams
• angel animals
• children and pets
• bringing pets home
• special characters of pets
• pets and love
• your life savers
• pet reincarnation stories
• communicating with pets
• gratitude for pets

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Feel free to share your photos, poems, insights, and stories this week about Pets and Better Endings. Also please notice the Life Maps activity of the week (right panel) that allows you to compose an assemblage of memories of the pets you have shared your life with across your own Life Chapters.

Better Endings to you and to your Animal Companions. – Linda

Pets ARE Better Endings

Animal companions are, to me, Better Endings incarnate. How can they not be, with their amazing capacity for unconditional love and acceptance? A pet is for Life, with the only hard part being that, as humans, we tend to outlive them.

My pets certainly bring Better Endings to work days or basically to any time away from and then returning to our house. They make of our household a Home, just by being there. Coming home to my beloved pet companions lightens my load and helps me more than just about anything else to keep an open Heart.

Sophie en route to New York to see her Grandmom

Loki (with Arthur above)

Arthur and sister Emily

Currently I live with four animal friends, three cats and a dog.  Cats include Loki (8y), all white with golden eyes, and Emily (4y) and Arthur (4y), orange tabby siblings. Emily is petite and short-haired while her brother Arthur looks like a Lion. Sophie (3.5y)–or, Sophia Grace Jade Wattsida [that’s Zuni for ‘dog’, and a pun on my name]–is my Shorkie (Shitzu-Yorkie) buddy. She is small of height but huge in her energy and a totally loving character. I have driven cross-country 3 times already with Sophie. She is a magnificent, all-round companion who loves to vacation at “La Quinta!” hotels. I am humbled to think of how these Souls (Animals are Soul, Too) have sacrificed other possibilities to live with me; especially my “indoor cats” whose whole ‘outer’ life anyways is in our house with one another, me, and our sometimes housemate Gianmichele.

Okay, so there you have a narrative slideshow of my family (the  3 photos together above are They). Pet stories abound in my life. I invite you to send some of your own along, too, so we can swap some Better Endings pet tales this week!

A Changed Attitude Can Work Miracles

Don’t quit, COMMIT!
“I’m going to love until love comes back. I’m going to live until life comes back and I’m going to fight until the fight comes back! Because I’m in it, to win it!” -T.D. Jakes

In today’s world, where everyone wants instant results – it is easier than ever to quit. It is easy to think that if it doesn’t come easy to you, it is not for you. It is easy to try something, and then if it doesn’t work out immediately, we can talk our selves out of the importance or the significance of it.  With that said, if you were to ask any person you admire based on what they have given, gained or done, they will all have a very similar formula for success – they never quit.

Re-blogged from Jeff Moore, My Everyday Power (http://everydaypowerblog.com/2014/02/04/3-reasons-to-dream-bigger/#comments)

 

Better Endings Story, by Linda Watts :

A Changed Attitude Can Work Miracles

A changed attitude can change ‘everything’ about a situation or a relationship. I wish it were never necessary, but sometimes it is. I’m thinking back to a time some fifteen years ago when I was certainly not at my best. I allowed a philosophical/ theoretical disagreement with a valued colleague to develop into a schism between us. It reached the point where we could hardly interact and avoided one another at the workplace. I felt terrible about my part in sustaining such a divide, but there it was.

One night in contemplation I sought inner guidance to help heal this situation.  I asked for clarity and  direction, then slept. That next morning I dreamt that this estranged colleague and I were face to face. I allowed my inner Self rather than my upset personality of that time to express Itself.  I smiled and simply beamed, “Hello!” And you know what? He smiled back and said “Hello!” in turn.

That very morning, while I was in the mail room at work, this colleague walked in. We had avoided being in the same space for months. Our eyes met, and I smiled and beamed, “Good morning!” He did likewise. Nothing was ever said between us about the distance we had allowed to develop. But from that moment on, the relationship shifted and it was never again as strained as it had become. Some short months later he received a job elsewhere. I helped to host a farewell gathering for a colleague who had given many years of valued service to our institution.

How did this attitude shift come about? By asking inwardly, then listening to and applying inner guidance. Better Endings often require change of a sort that allows you to break up ‘stuck’ positions. I am not proud of having reached this negative stasis in a relationship of any kind, so it is uncomfortable for me to share it in a blog!  I write about it anyway, in case it resonates with someone else.  People won’t always agree with one another, perhaps especially in academia, where I work. But everyone deserves to give and to receive unconditional love and respect. This helps us realize we are so much more than our limited personalities, ideas and opinions.

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This next week we get to shift to one of my favorite topics: pets!  I welcome any of your animal companion stories, photos, poetry and gushing insights.

Change It UP!

This week I have noticed a theme in blogs and Tweets I’ve been reading from others. You have to fall sometimes, or take a step back, in order to go forward with greater strength and find success.

This past Thursday morning, while thinking about this theme, I dreamed about a football play. It was an unconventional play. The QB tossed the ball, underhanded, to a receiver some 5 yds ahead. He caught it, looked around, and saw the defense closing in; he could see he had nowhere to run. So, he threw it back to another receiver behind the QB. The player there caught it and, also seeing the defense about to close in on him, he threw it even further backwards to a teammate back near the other team’s goal posts. I knew as the dreamer that the intention was to open up an area without defensive players, so a player could run forward less obstructed after catching the ball from well behind the line of scrimmage. The last player trying to catch the ball, did not, but neither did the opposing team’s players intercept. The play was dead. But it had only been a 1^st or 2^nd down, so the same team lined up again at the line of scrimmage and the next play, the QB passed a regular forward pass that was caught for a 1^st down; forward motion was restored.

Writers and other artists are very often the Innovators for art itself and for culture. New ideas have to start somewhere and it often takes an unconventional thinker or artist to advance ideas and to “change up” how we think about or view the world. This is the basis , to me, of the Beatles’ wild success; it was not that they started by doing anything entirely new, but they ‘changed up’ the way it was being done. They set a new beat that perhaps changed up slightly the heartbeat of the collective world. They broke up thought forms by being unconventional in several ways. Their haircuts—at the time; in retrospect this seems silly now—astounded and offended many parents of their young, devoted fans. Teaming with the Maharaji, courting “revolution”, daring to “Imagine”, they changed up rock and roll and, with it, they elevated an entire generation around a basic theme: openly expressed, unconditional Love.

What’s the message here? CHANGE IT UP! What do we have to lose, really? We must be true to ourselves and forge new grounds where that seems the direction we are given to go with our talents.

If the backwards seeming football play I dreamed of this morning had succeeded, it would have been a wild success; it would have forged a whole new concept in how to move a football forward on the field of play. If, on the other hand, it had been intercepted back near the opposing team’s goal, of course it would be seen as a monumental failure. But, in the end, what does that matter? A “touchdown,” points scored, on this side or that, is only that. I admire the player who got the random idea to “Change It UP!” and started the ball rolling in an entirely new direction. In the dream, on the next play, his team moved conventionally forward again, anyway. Still, the game was forever changed. The other team now knew their worthy opponents might do ANYTHING to succeed. It would be more difficult to defend against this new form of play. It was, in my view, an artistic accomplishment. Perhaps, by the next game, it might become a formal new play in the team’s playbook, one they might incorporate into their team strategy, with tweaks, over time.

What, to you, is an example of this Better Endings principle of “Change It Up”? If you are forging new directions, pushing genre boundaries, Change It UP! Follow your OWN North Star!

Archetype Dialogue

“For every typical situation in life,

There is an archetype corresponding to that situation.”

– Carl G. Jung (Archetypes of the Collective Unconscious)

Can you think of an issue about which you are conflicted or undecided, for which you can express “two sides” of the situation? E.G. whether to move or to stay with a job or to change a relationship? Or do you have a “personal conflict” over some area of your life that persists through the years without clear resolution?

When you have opposing viewpoints within yourself around an issue that is important to you, it’s as though you are two or more people about that. Here, we are talking about what Carl Jung and many others since have called Archetypes. These are submerged viewpoints, your ‘inner voices’ that might feel at odds with each other about how you should approach something.  James Hillman would say these various archetypal aspects of your Self are in your “Personal Unconscious”, and Jung would say we have even deeper sorts of archetypes in our “Collective Unconscious” that are universal.

As an anthropologist I take a practical approach as well as a “depth psychology” approach to archetypal character guises and traits. We all take on various ROLES in our lives that are associated with various STATUSES. These can include kinship statuses and roles (like Mother or Child, husband and wife) as well as occupational and recreational roles, like Doctor and Golfer. Each of these personal ROLES is associated with specific kinds of SITUATIONS we engage in regularly. And each of these brings out deep archetypal—not just formal ‘status’—aspects. Considering various Themes, or KINDS of situations in our lives, each Life Theme may be associated with archetypal character dispositions.  For example, ROMANCE might bring out the Lover in You, whereas EDUCATION may bring forth your Teacher and/or Student “parts of Self”, and SPORTS or MILITARY SERVICE might bring forth the Warrior. Each of these “situational archetype” parts-of-self has their own ‘character’ presence in your unique assemblage of archetypal outlooks. Some are deeply buried or suppressed (e.g. some may be in “Shadow” mode), while others may be more actively integrated within your conscious personality.

The Life Mapping activity for this week’s topic about Attitudes asks you to write or to imagine a DIALOGUE with two opposing viewpoints—both your own—around a topic you may feel conflicted or “dual” about. It can help to get these divergent sides talking to one another about a situation you are trying to better understand or resolve, especially if leaving it unresolved keeps you “stuck” about that issue.

Let me share an example from my Life Mapping cases. Mindy was a woman who had been experiencing a persistent dilemma for many years. In the course of life mapping she identified two Archetypal outlooks that she associated with a spiritual aspect—she called this her inner Warrior—and a Physical-life side of self, which she called her Descender. Around some of the same issues in her life, her Warrior-mystic and her Descender modes were at odds. Her Warrior wanted to follow inner spiritual nudges: make a move, take or end a job, accept a relationship. Her Descender, though, hated to be pinned to any decision.  Mindy journaled a dialogue between these two archetypal parts of self.  She found that one value was important to both of them: Freedom. But they each defined freedom in diametrically opposite ways! The Mystic thought freedom was about following inner nudges of spirit; it was “Spiritual Freedom”. The Descender wanted Freedom from commitments! So, for many years, Mystic-Mindy would boldly step forth and change locations, jobs or relationships. But almost immediately thereafter, Descender-Mindy would want to bolt; to leave that location, job or relationship. When Mindy put the two to talking with each other over a couple of weeks in her journal, they/she came to recognize how these opposing, archetype-driven points of view were interfering with her ever establishing a STABLE set of conditions. So she started asking them about their goals and she found some they shared. She needed a job, for instance, with built in variety and flexibility. Now Mindy has become a successful public speaker for a health supplements company she believes in. She gives workshops on various products and travels around the country. Both her Mystic and her Descender selves are happy, for once! Mindy has embraced and ‘integrated’ more of her total Self.

Writing an archetype dialogue allows you to tap into aspects of yourself you might otherwise suppress. Offer a “safe space” to these feelings and viewpoints, knowing that your core Self will remain strong and centered throughout the exchange. Just as an example to get you started, let me illustrate briefly. I call this approach: “Open Mike”. Just set a topic about which you have dual or multiple ‘attitudes’, and invite your various situational selves to speak. If you’re not sure what topic to introduce, ask ‘them’ to suggest one for you!

Open MikeTopic: My currently overburdened schedule

This is crazy! How can we keep this up? You are going to collapse at this rate.

(Self in italics) Who are you?

Someone who wishes you would lighten up a bit…

A Nurturer, I believe.

Yes. You do need to give yourself some time to relax, dear. Breathe. Go to the gym. Read a Maeve Binchy novel; I want to!

I know but there is just so much to do. I have bitten off so much this semester…

This Life, don’t you mean? I am with you and want to see you reach your goals, too, Lindy, but she is right; you need to add some balance. Trust that you will get what you need to get done even better when you accept your time limitations.

Are you an Elder Leader?

No, a Communicator.

Thanks for all you contribute; all of you, too.

Nurturer: So what are you going to do to ease up a bit?

I will do what I can…feel free to nudge me when you see an opportunity for me to open a novel or take Sophie for a walk.

[This is just an example of how to begin an Archetypal “Open Mike” dialogue. It is helpful to have a journal dedicated to this exchange. Explore many topics; get to know these ‘parts’ of yourself that are always within you and can help you reach your Dreams! Use whatever names you want for these; in Life Paths I will be introducing a specific ‘pantheon’ of 12 universal archetype figures based on Jung and on the works of a lesser known archetypal psychologist, Dr. Charles Bebeau-LW]

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I invite your comments and stories of your own.

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Thanks for reading and for those who are “Liking,” Thank You!

Happy Valentines Day

Successes So Far, by Lidiya

 

Posted on February 11, 2014 by Lidiya

Although I deny living in the past (and try to follow the minimalist principle of consciously experiencing the present moment), there are a few exceptions. They are certain situations and circumstances that allow referring to the past.

One of them is to go back in time and try to analyze our previous behavior, mistakes and failures. Another one, to which this post is dedicated, is to remind ourselves of past successes.

I believe this to be a simple technique we can use when we feel down, are disappointed of the lack of self-improvement or to boost our confidence and motivation a bit.

I refer more to successes in your personal development process rather than the material ones (like promotion, salary raise, new apartment and so on). Of course they are big achievements too, but I’ve noticed people to pay too much attention to them and that often ends by making them feel too confident and proud. And this is a step back.

Instead, I want you to do this simple exercise using things such as: successful habits you’ve built and bad ones you’ve ditched, a big change in your way of thinking, new qualities, having overcome a fear of yours, taking lessons from failures, giving up on something you couldn’t imagine living without in order to become a better person, and so on.
Also try to stress on how this has helped you, remember how much effort it cost you and feel good for having done that.

I’ll share some of mine. It’s not some kind of bragging, just a little reminder to myself that I’ve achieved something, that it was worth it and that if I’ve done it once, I can do it again. This way I know I have a reason to keep going further in my development and expect big things.

Here they are:

1. Going vegetarian

That’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever taken and I’m so glad I did it when I was 16. It’s been almost 6 years now and I feel great.

One day back in 2007 I read a lot about meat, then I read more. And after getting familiar with every aspect of the process of how animals are being treated before they are killed, how the meat we eat today is prepared and the way our body digests it (or at least, tries to), I decided not to eat it anymore.

From that day on I’ve never tasted it again. And if my body, mind and soul feel better, then there’s no other opinion I need to hear.

As I think of it, that is a proof that somewhere deep inside I have the motivation to control all my habits. I just need to desire the change bad enough.
I definitely haven’t mastered that but knowing that the power to do it is in me is rather relieving.

2. Acceptance

I learnt to accept things when there’s nothing I can do and the situation depends on outer factors.

A quick example: While on a holiday in Holland – visiting it for the first time – we missed the train to Amsterdam while in a hurry. I spent the 15 minutes until the next one arrived in a relaxed waiting, while my friend was furious and complaining about that for the whole time. These negative emotions, in my opinion, were just pointless.

So, if it’s raining, be okay with that. You’ll do what you’ve planned tomorrow. If there’s a big queue in front of you, either wait patiently, or put it off for another time.
Getting angry and focusing on the result that things don’t go as planned won’t help. It will just make it worse.

I accepted the past as it is. I accepted the uncertainty of the future. I accepted my mistakes. You can do it too.

3. Followed my passion

It’s one thing to find it and completely another to dedicate time and energy to it every day. And the more I write, the more contentment I find in life. Because that’s my passion.

4. Appreciation

I often stop for a while to look around, see the beauty in little things and experience the moment. I appreciate more and more the things I have, the hardships I’ve been through, the places I visit and people I meet.

Some time ago I didn’t do that and it was a goal of mine to learn how to stop every now and then and just find time to smell the roses (as is the last line of a favorite movie of mine – “Crank”). I guess I’ve reached it to some extent.

5. Finding simplicity

I’m grateful I had the chance to get familiar with Zen and Minimalism. And although I’m not a strict follower, I chose to live by some of the principles these philosophies offer.

So far that has worked wonders.

6. No judging

I stopped judging others. It’s not my right to judge and put labels on people.

7. Positivity

I’ve worked hard on substituting all the negative thoughts in my head for positive affirmations, all problems for opportunities and the failures and mistakes for lessons.
It’s a great way to live life.

8. Fitness

I finally managed to make it a daily habit. With some exceptions, of course, but now going to the gym is one of the good parts of my day and I look at it more like a pleasure than a task.

It’s one of the few healthy habits I love doing. On all others I’m still working.

9. Letting go

That’s a huge deal for me. I consider this to be one of the best things someone can learn to do that can change his life once and for all.

There are so many things we need to let go of – expectations, other people’s opinion, regret, perfection, disappointment, the past, worries, etc.

I’m trying to do it in the best way possible – simply and easily, by understanding, breathing deeply and just letting things, people, places and thoughts let go with a smile.

10. Giving and sharing

Somehow I find a way to include this universal law into most of the posts I write: Give as much as you can and expect nothing in return. And as a result, you’ll have more and will be more satisfied with yourself and your life.

I advise you to give this simple technique a try. Here’s why:

• it will make you feel better;
• it will remind you of your abilities, potential and power;
• it will motivate you to keep doing what you’re up to and follow your dreams;
• if you’re on the verge of giving up on something that’s difficult but important, this will show you that if you’ve achieved these things so far, you can do much more.

 What are your successes so far?

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Lidiya is a Marketing student from Bulgaria.Her true passion is writing and she spends a lot of time blogging at Let’s Reach Success where she writes about success, simplicity, life hacking and self-improvement and wants to inspire and motivate people and remind them of their potential and powers. 

You can find her on Google+ and Facebook or reach hear by email at lidiya@letsreachsuccess.com.

 

 

Is it All, or Nothing? Our Choice of Attitude Helps Determine Our Experience

Today I explored the opposing attitudes of Expansive vs. Narrow. It was an amazing day!  First, I woke to not being able to reply to folks who started “following” on Twitter by following these kindred souls in turn. Even though I had not reached a limit for following, I was mysteriously restricted from doing so: a contraction and narrowing of opportunity.  So, I went to the office and dealt with some restrictiveness there in my role as department chair. I accepted both of these, figuring that with some patience I could eventually work things out. I acted to query customer service about the Twitter constraint, and I worked on a needed document to try to ‘open’ a matter at the department. Then, I went to write; my real goal for the day.Everything shifted in my attitude.  The editing process expanded a chapter that was in need of a fix, and I found myself sitting next to a writing group whose members all had positive experiences to share around their writing. When I came home, I cleaned house a bit (another expansive experience), and when I checked email in the midst of cleaning, not only had the Twitter problem been resolved but there was actually an “offer to publish your blog as a paperback”! We’ll see what happens, but what matters here is that I experienced the clear difference between the effects of two opposing attitudes. By remaining neutral about the ‘negative’ side rather than reacting by ‘closing’ my heart, I was able to shift to the positive, and then it felt like the universe Itself followed suit! This demonstrates the Law of Attitudes, which is such an important aspect of creating Better Endings in our lives, yes?

With my life mapping interviews and coaching, I have seen how two people might experience very similar life experiences, yet their attitudes can lead them to very opposite responses which have very different consequences in their lives. John (pseudonyms used), for example, was an author who had felt “paralyzed” in his life since a car accident that followed a series of losses and setbacks in his life. Doctors had not found anything medically wrong. John’s Life Metaphor (his answer to ‘What is a human lifetime like?) was: “A tree stuck in the mud beside a flowing stream.” Ever since a romantic failure, every event John recorded in his Life Map seemed to dig for him a deeper and deeper hole that he had fallen into. John arrived at a fatalistic view of life, and all of his experiences appeared to validate that point of view.

Then there was Ambrosia. She had been dealing with a chronic intestinal condition for many years. With one outbreak, her condition was so dire that she ended up in a hospital. It was touch and go one night at the hospital whether she would live until the morning. As part of the life mapping process, I ask people to rate the relative impact of significant events in their lives, from “-5” to “+5” (or, one event could be rated as both positive or negative in its impact on “the person you have become”). When I asked Ambrosia to rate her critical night at the hospital, immediately she exclaimed, “+5!”

       “But, why?” I asked, mystified.

Ambrosia told me of how she had experienced a profound vision, like a Near Death Experience, that night at the hospital. An Inner Guide appeared to her and told her she could leave (pass on) if she chose to, but he told her there was much she could still accomplish in her life if she chose to stay.

Ambrosia told her Guide that she would only stay, “If I could get back the passion for life I used to have.”

      “You can!” he said.

      “All that glitters is not Gold,” Ambrosia said to her Inner Guide.

      “That is true; But anything CAN be,” was his sage reply.

      “Okay, then,” she said to him, and then she awoke.

After that night, Ambrosia survived and, gradually, she healed. She did regain the “Passion for Life” she sought, returning to school for two advanced degrees since then and becoming a leader in her local spiritual community for several years.

John and Ambrosia have come to symbolize for me how attitudes can determine the “flow” of life experience.  Quite often I find with these and other life mapping cases that people can experience a Sea Change in their life patterns when they allow themselves to shift their Attitude about life overall.

How? You may ask. Look in your own life for more examples. (Of course, feel free to share your stories here, if you’d like!)

I do find that almost always, a major positive shift in life pattern follows a profound change in OUTLOOK, whether from something like Ambrosia’s NDE or from a conscious move in a new direction; a choice to create a new condition.

Better Endings to You, Now and Always! – Linda

Listening to Your-SELVES: A Balancing Act

Welcome to Prompts Day at Better Endings. On Tuesdays we entertain a list of topics for applying the principle of Better Endings to a weekly theme; this week, Attitudes. Some speak of a “Law of Attitudes,” which makes sense to me. Our attitudes to a large extent determine our experience. Attitudes reflect and can establish “mindsets,” which act like filters between our minds or hearts and the “reality” we are able to perceive.

Let’s consider especially opposing, paired attitudes this week. These are polar-opposite perspectives that frame very different outlooks on the same event or situation. Here’s a list of some paired-opposite attitudes for you to consider and add to:

optimistic            pessimistic

open            closed

impatience            contentment

       insecurity            self-confidence

   belief            cynicism

expansive            narrow

kindness            meanness

acceptance           rejection

constructive            destructive

respectful            demeaning

gratitude            conceit

Can you recognize within yourself BOTH poles of one or more of the above pairs of opposing attitudes with regard to some situation or enduring conflict in your life? I invite you to choose that sort of opposition to explore. Consider a subject that you can “look at” from either of a very opposite pair of perspectives. Allow yourself the space to feel-think-Be first in one attitude, and then shift grounds to the polar-opposite attitude about that same subject and feel-think-Be in that attitude instead for a while. What do you pay most attention to, in each perspective? What appears more important, and less important, depending on your outlook? What about the subject itself motivates you to shift more to one or the other side of the polarity?

Recognizing duality or bipolarity in ourselves, especially around ideas or situations we feel conflicted about, is natural for everyone, sometimes. From an archetypal psychological viewpoint, situations that evoke conflicting attitudes can expose to us ‘parts’ of ourselves that are worth listening to and exploring–in moderation–because we may tend to suppress some ‘sides’ of ourself at the expense of a whole, balanced, integrated outlook. Allowing an attitude you normally suppress to express itself while you are there to pay attention to it can help you to get to the root of some issues you might otherwise be denying or seeing only from a self-limiting perspective. These ‘buried’ attitudes can help you to troubleshoot a stubborn point of view in order to develop some more balanced and creative solutions!

For today,simply choose one or more of the above attitude-pairs–or use another–that represents a set of opposing attitudes you sometimes hold about some situation or subject in your life. Let both sides have their say, either through journalling from each perspective, or engaging in an imaginative internal ‘listening session’ to both sides, one at a time. The only guideline is that each side gets to have its say without judgement or interruption. Then, try looking at the situation again, AFTER clearly expressing both of your opposed attitudes.

Does a creative solution or a deeper understanding of the situation light up for you?

Tell us about it (if you’d like). If you wish you can submit your story or journalling practice as a Story of the Week (If I receive more than one, I’ll probably blog them all!) And always, I welcome your insights and Comments!

Better Endings to You!  – Linda

Shifting Attitudes for Better Endings

I began this blog site three months ago around a simple, fun concept of Better Endings. How might we change a movie ending or a story to a more desirable outcome? How might King Kong finally survive, “this time”? That simple concept turns out to be neither so simple nor mundane, after all. If we can change a Story, we can change a Life (Story), especially our own!

So, week by week, we have been applying Better Endings here to topics ranging from better movie endings, to revisionist history, to revising our own personal decisions or to changing our night dreams so we can realize our Dreams.

Somewhere along this journey, already, especially as more of you have been joining in on the adventure, we have discovered that Better Endings is more than a fun concept to flirt with. It is a creative principle we can draw upon to help us move from any one state of affairs, conditions, or fixed perspectives to another, more flexible position that allows us to grow, to expand our reach, and to transform our outlooks to embrace creative solutions for difficult or apparently ‘stuck’ situations.

This week’s topic is Attitudes. Let’s explore the open terrain of how our sometimes mixed or conflicting attitudes can shape or interfere with our experience. We can share stories about how shifting an attitude can transform our view of some aspect of our lives and can potentially transform our own outcomes.

With this week, Better Endings will exceed its first 100 blog posts. At this stage, I want to thank all of you readers and ‘follower’-Readers and contributors to this site for your excellent comments and great posts of your own that you have contributed or have allowed me to re-blog here.

I invite you to share your stories, insights and comments about Attitudes this week. Have you had an experience where you found that just by slightly changing your point of view on a subject, everything about that experience changed?

I am especially thinking about “paired (or, opposing) attitudes” as I look at our topic this week.  I’ll share a list of these tomorrow, but think about it. One attitude always seems to be paired with an opposite point of view.  Some would say this is due to the “duality” we deal with in the nature of human consciousness.

For myself as a starting example, I find lately that I sometimes vacillate between the two attitudes of Impatience and Contentment. If I focus on one end of this spectrum, Impatience, I feel like I will never reach the goals I have set for myself, for example, with a major editing project within which I am now enveloped. However, when I shift my attention to think about how much I gain from immersing in something I love–the very same writing project–I find I am content with where the process is at right Now, in the Moment. Then I wouldn’t change anything, no matter what the results might be, or not, down the road. I realize how fortunate I am, as well, to be writing this blog every day and to have found that there are people, other bloggers and other blogs, and Twitter or Facebook readers, et. al., who actually form a ‘cyber’-community of ardent people sharing ideas and authentic communication!

So, let’s–for any of you who feel like joining in–plant some soul-seeds this week around the topic of Shifting Attitudes. If this topic lights up a story or an example for you, please feel free to share it with us. (You will always keep copyright for your ideas posted in this blog, of course, and I will publish an author’s byline and bio for you with contact information.)

P.S.: I grew up with the Beatles! This week in honor of their 50th Anniversary since their USA appearances, all Quotes of the week are by them, so feel free to send some Beatles lyrics that relate to Better Attitudes.

Better Endings to You! –Linda

Finish A Dream: Your Goal Fulfilled

(Re-blogged from The CrazyBagLady@BulanLifestyle)

Some twenty years ago I dreamed I was hiking along a high mountain trail. Several others were also on a trek to reach the top of this peak. It was a hard trail with a steep, rocky incline in hot weather that seared the skin. Many turned back; only a handful reached the top, singly. I was among these, arriving at the apex after a long, winding ascent.

Finally at the top, I see there is a canyon chasm between the edge of the mountainside I have scaled and what I know to be my true destination: an even higher peak separated from the one I am on by a huge divide.

At first I believe I may be able to cross, for there are steps, suspended in space, hovering between the two peaks. One of the other climbers starts across these floating steps, but they become narrower and further apart as the aspirant attempts to bridge the gulf. He turns back, returns; the steps drop into the gorge as he steps back onto the ledge at the top of the canyon.

The others leave, descending back down the mountain. I stay, alone, gazing across to the realm I desire to reach. I am passionately aware that I have worked so hard to reach this plateau, only to find my deepest goal seemingly impossible to attain.

There is a picnic table at the canyon edge. I sit at the table, not wanting to give up, not knowing how I can go forward. A woman appears and comes over to stand next to me at the table. She seems an Ancient one, yet ageless. She has salt-and-pepper hair, dark eyes, light skin—she reminds me of a person I know to be highly enlightened in my outer life.

“How can I ever get over there?” I implore of this woman whom I know to be a Guide.

“How would you get to another planet?” she replies.

Then, I am alone again; the Guide has disappeared.

I awaken in bed, bemused by the dream, saddened to learn it “was only a dream”. It felt so real, like I was finally “almost There,” to the fulfillment of a spiritual Quest.

Now, many years later, I recall this dream. The feelings are still potent, the desire as ardent as it was then.

I sit for contemplation, return to the picnic table AS IF I have never left.

“How would I travel to another planet?” I ask inwardly, suddenly aware of the obvious solution.

“Direct projection,” I utter in silence. Assume the destination-state accomplished; be-here-Now.

I walk to the edge of the cliff, sit tailor fashion; appreciate the rarified atma-sphere, quiet serenity. I close my eyes, open inwardly, sing a mantra syllable as pure as the air is high: Hu. I become this Sound, resonate with its pulse as a warm, glowing Light.

I open my Heart to just BE. Feel… SHIFT.

Open eyes: a Temple nestled in a misty enclave. Light forms come and go from round platforms surrounding a domed spire. Blues in magenta, iced in golds and white.

Approach. Friendly beings exchange silent greetings as we pass. Enter temple—Door always open, an archway. Inside is still open space, nature, gardens, rooms that appear as I imagine a purpose: library, classroom, stables with horses. I explore, unlimited. See a fountain, sit at a gossamer bench around it, close eyes to listen to the Flow.

Open eyes: sitting tailor fashion, looking across the Canyon. See? A picnic table, across the gulf, far from where I AM.

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               Complete a dream according to your deepest desire. Imagine life as you assume it to Be, your Heart and Soul fulfilled.                 – lw